Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX Fucking News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Picking Up Pills That You Drop
7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
8. Talking Baby Talk to Children
9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
Dishing with the HMFIC of National Penultimate Day℠ Sep 29, 2019 - 6:00
Our culture is obsessed with going the extra mile, giving 110 percent, leaving it all on the field. Supermarkets are open 24/7/365 to satisfy our shopping needs from A-to-Z, while athletes routinely crow about taking their games to a whole 'nother level. Into the midst of this maelstrom, like the voice of one hand clapping in the wilderness, stands Phil Maggitti, founder and HMFIC of National Penultimate Day℠.
"There's much to be said for a 23/6 approach to living," coughs Mr. Maggitti, "allowing for some breathing room in our lives. Leonard Cohen wrote that we have to learn to stop bravely at the surface, I say we have to learn to stop bravely before the final chapter."
According to Mr. Maggitti, history is "aghast" with penultimate days that have gotten short shrift in our chronicles. "September 10, 2001; December 6, 1942; October 11, 1492," he reels them off convincingly.
"Furthermore, we talk about the nth degree representing the utmost as though there's something inherently wrong with the mth degree representing the almost. And what's the problem with living each day as if it's the next-to-last day of your life? Or with Making America OK Again?"
HMFIC Maggitti, who stopped short of earning not one but two masters degrees, blames "our national obsession with superlatives" for also giving rise to the "hideous" misuse of penultimate to mean "the greatest fucking thing ever, the GOAT among GOATS." In response to "those twin monstrosities," Mr. Maggitti launched the National Penultimate Day℠ campaign last month.
"Our goal is to gain recognition for December 30 as National Penultimate Day℠ in order to combat the misbegotten notion that OK is not good enough. I say 85 that idea. If your best is just OK, you're still OK with me. We also seek recognition for National Penultimate Day℠ because nothing less than national-day recognition can save penultimate from the clutches of the great unlettered who persist in misusing it. We have petitioned the National Day Calendar in this regard, but if they do not grant our request, we are ready to self publish."