postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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The NBA Can Go Fuck Itself
Dec 15, 2020 - 10:39
On August 26 the NBA (National Blackness Association) went on strike because a knife-carrying black man with priors, whose name I will not mention so as not to glorify the inglorious, was shot and wounded by police responding to a domestic situation in Kenosha, Wisconsin. (Enough with that "Say his name" shit already.) Because the policeman/shooter is white, the predictable free-shopping sprees ensued and Kenosha counted fewer intact windows than it had before the shooting. The NBA work stoppage inspired by this event began when the Milwaukee Bucks refused to play the Orlando Magic because Bucks players had an acute collective case of the vapors over the shooting in Kenosha. The Bucks led the Magic 3-1 in the seven-game series at the time, so obviously the Bucks saw an opportunity to do a little virtue signaling, forfeit the game, and still win the series. (We doubt that even the most socially conscious members of the Magic were thrilled with that kind of black-on-black disrespect.)
When the media got wind of the players' antics, praise for their "bravery" flowed like Dom Perignon in a strip club. There was highfalutin talk about the "evolution" of the athletes' social consciences. LeBron James, one of the stump-dumbest people in the world, suddenly started reading books and attempting to talk about them in public. A hack named Drew Magary wrote in the San Francisco Chronicle, where else, that you're either with the NBA players or you suck. A graying, feckless ex-president announced how proud he was of the players for showing the way. Horseshit, Barry! How brave is it to bail on a game at the last minute when there are no fans in attendance because of COVID-19 concerns? "Brave" would be walking out on 20,000 people jacked up on beer and bad music. As our nation turns its lonely eyes to athletes for moral guidance, god help us, we are reminded of the fuss people made over those Parkland High School kids a few years ago. They were supposed to show us clueless adults the way to a gun-free, all-you-need-is-love society. (My favorite was the dyke in the buzz cut.) Whatever happened to those Wunder Kinder? Yup. Gone. Yesterday's papers. Same thing's gonna happen to the philosopher-athletes of the NBA. Fade to black. The Wunder Kinder, at least, had innocence and naivete on their side. Most NBA players haven't been innocent since they were three and first learned to drink Colt 45 out of a paper bag. The league has its own crime library website, for Christ's sake. So does the National Football League. Odd that the movement for social justice is being led by people with more experience with the criminal justice system. The conservative white man's burden in this fiasco is, once again, corporate America and its WINO (white in name only) executives. They are all Goodyear, my friends: FedEx for severing ties with the Washington Redskins over their name and asking others to sever ties with the Skins; Ben & Jerry's for its open support of BLM; Papa Johns for firing its CEO for criticizing the NFL. There are scads of other examples on The Consumer Watchdog Website for Safer Investing. Check them out instead of watching basketball, then read Douglass Murray's books The Strange Death of Europe and The Madness of Crowds. Great stuff. He's no LeBron James, of course, but how can he be, he's white. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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