postcards from the pug bus
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Welcome to the Alt-Middle's favorite satire site
What sort of fool brings a knife to a gun fight?
Election 2020: a never was vs. a never should be...make your vote count, don't vote, it's a mope's game
“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” (Winston Churchill)
Let's defund the parking meter police
What doesn't kill you will weaken you
So how does felt experience arise out of non-sentient matter, anyway?
"Che stronzi sono le persone." (T. Soprano)


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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

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Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Your love of Calypso's Grape Fizz live resin carts conspire to produce a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life. Whenever you vape it up, dandruff shampoo turns you into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication makes you hack and sputter like a flooded outboard motor. Deodorant produces a rancid, road-kill aroma about your personal zones. I'd lay off the Beano, contraceptive devices, and hemorrhoid preparations if I were you. More Ganjascopes

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Meaner than a dried-up, old-biddy Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


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Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Organized Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Making Sure Your Zipper's Up
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Apologizing for Shit You Didn't Do
  7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
  8. Hauling Your Damn Grandkids Around
  9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly

Living Among the Blowfish
Jul 23, 2020 - 7:52
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WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–The LGBTQ population of the United States is … a) 8.8%, b) 23.6%, c) 4.5%, d) way too annoying? The correct answer is “c,” yet according to a 2017 Gallup poll, most adults in this country would have answered “b,” owing to the fact that most American adults grossly overestimate the percentage of their fellow citizens that bats from the underside of the plate. “Grossly,” as in, by a factor of five: 23.6% to 4.5%.

Television, movies, and the media--the usual suspects--have conspired to inflate the estimates of the LGBTQ population, much as a blowfish inflates itself to intimidate its rivals. On television the LGBTQ characters parading about last season made up 8.8% of all persons on screen, nearly twice the percentage in real life. At the movies, according to GLAAD, a media advocacy group, 18.6% of the 118 films released from major studios in 2019 included characters that were lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer. That’s four times the percentage in real life. The national media, a/k/a, “the enemy of the people,” adds to this puffery to an extent beyond counting. That isn’t surprising as the media, 90% liberal by some reports, has earned the distrust of 44% of our adult population, so it must be doing something wrong.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of television, movies, and the media, U.S. women estimate that 29.7% of our population is LGBTQ. Men peg that figure at 17.4%. Estimates of the LGBTQ population also vary by age. “Adults” between 18 and 29 report the highest estimate (28.5%), and persons aged 65 and older, the lowest (17.5%). Democrats and independents guess that roughly 25% of Americans are LGBTQ, while the average guess among Republicans is (18.3%). All are well beyond the standard error of deviations.

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Anybody seen Hootie?
Our tendency to see LGBTQ people everywhere is matched by our tendency to see blacks and Hispanics everywhere. On average, Americans say that 33% of the U.S. population is black, and as many as 17% of Americans say the percentage of blacks is 50% or greater. Only 7% accurately report that the percentage of blacks falls between 10% and 14% of the population.

Between 2010 and 2019, the Latino slice of the population pie increased from 16% to 18%. Yet today, 65% of Americans think Hispanics represent at least 20% of the population, and 14% think Hispanics constitute 50% or more of the population.

If you’re looking for a lesson in the preceding litany, it’s this: Chill the hell out, my Caucasian friends. We are not the feckless minority that blowfish want us to think we are (or want us to be); and if you’ll pardon a sudden metaphor switch, we are still of a size (a legitimate 60% of the population) to stop the tail wagging the dog in human affairs if we want to. Besides, the next time someone stops you on the street and says, “your money or your life or the LGBTQ population of the United States,” you’ll know the correct answer.

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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a stupid local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.



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Discordianism--the one religion to have if you're having more than one—or or if you're having none at all.

High Times--wanna know what Super Silver Haze is going for near you? Wanna wade your way through a growing shit heap of trendy, female-empowered, social warrior nonsense to find out?

Pirate Bay--indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop

Soulseek--no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free. To hell with those overpriced streaming services. As the Buddha says, "Stream your own shit, mother-fucker."

Spectrum Labs-need to pass a piss test?

Vaults of Erowid-before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort

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