Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
Introducing National Ain’t Woke, Do Not Disturb Day Jul 27, 2020 - 6:52
The National Day Calendar (NDC) is your go-to source if you want to know when National Tattoo Day is celebrated or when we observe National Baked Bean Month. According to the NDC, July is host to fifteen, month-long celebrations. The honorees include four of our favorite things: ice cream, hot dogs, culinary arts, and grilling--the undisputed king of the culinary arts.
But wait, there’s more! Not only the month of July but also each day of the month celebrates some damn thing(s) or another. The half dozen things that had finally gotten their days on the day this was written included National Thread the Needle Day and National Merry-Go-Round Day or “The Great Wheel of Samsara,” as the Buddhists like to call it.
In all, NDC recognizes roughly 1,500 days of our lives each year. Some are wonky, National Pharmacy Technician Day (Oct. 20); others are too trendy by half, Transgender Day of Remembrance (Nov. 20); and at least one, National Hug a Newsperson Day (April 4), ought to come with a Surgeon General’s warning.
Sadly, we could not find any righteous persons, places, things, or ideas among the estrogen-rash-inducing, Hallmark-buggering NDC celebrations. Don’t go looking there for a May I Stop Apologizing Now Day or a National Don’t Mess with Covington Students Day, let alone a National White People's Month.
In a public-spirited fever (ask not what our country can write about us, but what we can write about our country), we suggest creating a new holiday, National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day. We further suggest celebrating that day on August 4, the birthday of America’s first bi-racial, woker-than-shit president.
Right-thinking America needs a National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day because black people keep telling white people to stop saying they're woke, and it's time we Caucasians stood up, owned, and embraced our un-wokeness.
We first learned that white folk can’t be woke while watching MTV's "White Guy Resolution 2017." One of YouTube's least popular videos ever, it was pulled 48 hours after its pre-Christmas debut 3.5 years ago. This cinematic turd received 89 "thumbs up" votes on The 'Tube and 11,922 "thumbs down." Even a herd of progressives with their heads up their asses can read those numbers.
To repeat, if you didn't have your head up your ass, you did see this one coming. White men, a group that doesn’t usually mean anyone but Maxine Waters harm, saw it coming.
People have a perverse tendency to live down to the stereotypes in which they're cast. Tell people that they belong in the basket of deplorables, and they hand you a deplorable president, by your accounts. Tell white men that they ain't shit, and you see what happened to MTV. Our progressive friends would do well to remember this ancient Iranian proverb, "Before you cast the first kick, be sure that your own gonads are protected."
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.