postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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National Pardon Yourself Day
Jan 2, 2021 - 10:54
We do, nevertheless, believe that pardons, by whomever they are issued, resemble charity: they ought to begin and most frequently end at home. If, as we are told, we cannot love anyone unless we can love ourselves first, how can we forgive anybody if we cannot forgive ourselves first? We can't. That's how. And if, as we are told, the faults that we hate most in others are the ones that we see in ourselves, we cannot forgive those faults in others unless we pardon ourselves first. Capisci? Hence, National Pardon Yourself Day, a day when we can say "Pardon me" or "I beg your pardon" and really mean it. A day for replacing "my bad" with "I'm good." Or, as we used to say, "I'm OK, You're Not." Your ability to pardon yourself is unlimited and doesn't require an act of contrition or slavish penance. Pardons are given, not earned. No fawning or obsequiousness here; and if anyone claims that only god can grant pardons, tell the fool that you can't pardon a sin you haven't committed. For those who like happy endings, we are pleased to report that today we pardoned ourselves for forgetting that it was our 39th wedding anniversary. We felt like shit for a few moments until we pardoned ourself. There was no choice. We'd have felt like shit the rest of the day otherwise. As they say in Rome, "De Indulgentiis incipere domi." © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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