postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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AARP Head Announces Support for Legalized Pot
Feb 1, 2010 - 4:20
AARP's chief executive officer, William Novelli, held a press conference in the group's Washington, D.C., office yesterday to publicize the event. Wearing a T-shirt that read "We Smoke and We Vote," Novelli told reporters, "People who think the AARP is a haven for old windbags that sit around comparing HMOs or discussing their bowel movements are in for a surprise. "According to a recent survey, nearly three-quarters of our members use marijuana on a regular basis not only to alleviate pain from a variety of ailments but also to relax after the grandkids go home. We can no longer afford to sit around stoned while the government makes criminals out of our members." Country music legend Willie Nelson will headline the festival, which will be hosted by Woody Harrelson. Among the other performers scheduled to appear are Bette Midler, Santana, Chicago, David Crosby and Graham Nash, Rod Stewart, The New Jefferson Starship, Tony Orlando, Ringo Starr, the Fire House Polka Brigade, and Close to You, a Carpenters tribute band. In addition to the stellar entertainment lineup, the festival will feature arts-and-crafts workshops, bingo tents, lottery and term life insurance machines, and vendors offering the finest in gluten-free rolling papers, marijuana suppositories, pressure-free roach clips, and other paraphernalia. AARP is also sponsoring a pot luck cooking contest open to anyone attending the festival. Entries will be judged on their creative use of marijuana in a casserole, stew, or dessert. A lifetime subscription to AARP Magazine, formerly known as Modern Maturity, will be awarded to the winner. The contest will be judged by Tommy Chong, Snoop Dogg, Ricky Williams, and Robert Downey Jr. Novelli said he expects more than 50,000 people to attend the festival. The campground will open Monday July 11 at noon. Advanced life support and Medivac units will be available through the weekend, as will free blood-pressure monitoring and diabetes screening. Concerts will begin promptly at 4:20 each afternoon. All activities and rest rooms at the festival will be wheel chair accessible. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
