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Suspend 3-Second Rule During Pandemic, Warns Dr. Fauci
Dec 8, 2020 - 10:18
“If people are going to persist in visiting restaurants, they should not eat any food they have dropped, no matter how little time has elapsed since they dropped it. They should ask their server to dispose of it properly.” Predictably, some republicans were quick to accuse Dr. Fauci of trying to steal every last bit of joy from the American people. “With so many Americans struggling to put food on the table, they don’t have the luxury of fussing about a little dust or maybe a hair or two on a hot dog,” said the a Republican spokesperson. “How many freedoms do these Nazis plan to take any?” Meanwhile, supporters of the proposed suspension of the three-second rule claim it would save American lives as well as saving millions of dollars in hospital costs annually. The USDA is optimistic that suspending the three-second rule will help to mitigate the effects of the pandemic. If additional measures are required, however, there are other steps that could be taken, such as suspending the guideline against eating anything the dog has licked or replacing the USDA food pyramid with a trapezoid. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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