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drunken young woman passed out after pissing herselfSTAFF PICKS
This week's staff picks, selected especially for you by Kristi Burlinson, our editorial intern majoring in Gender Reassignment studies at Brown University, include ...

(1) a token BLM article, Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars;
(2) an exclusive report on The Divorce Between Yin and Yang;
(3) The Oldest Living Article currently in our database.

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

Joe Biden: The Great Auk to the Rescue
Oct 25, 2020 - 6:14
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WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—The mascot of the prep school that Joe Biden attended is a large, extinct, flightless bird called the Great Auk. When I arrived at that school ... Archmere Academy in Claymont, Delaware ... in the fall of 1956, I was puzzled by the choice of the Great Auk (rhymes with squawk ) as a mascot. Then I saw the football team’s first game.

Many people say that Joe Biden, who arrived at Archmere in 1957, is flightless and extinct himself. His campaign has involved precious little flight. He's spent more time in the basement than the average, unemployed, recent college graduate. He clings to the extinct notion that pot is a gateway drug, finally allowing just the day before yesterday that it should be decriminalized—not made legal, mind you, 'cause it still might be a gateway drug, ya know?

Young Biden hit the ground running when he got to Archmere. I don't recall ever seeing him alone on the 14-acre, 144-student, all-male campus. ($350 a year then, $28,800 a year now...and you gotta test smarter than the average bear to get in.) Joe always seemed to be in a slight hurry, and he always seemed to have a small entourage trailing him. He was elected class president in his junior and senior years. (History will little note nor long remember the names of the lads who held that post before him.)

It's easy to run as freely as Young Joe did back then. He  didn't have the toilet paper of serial embarrassments dogging and decorating his heels: the toilet paper of plagiarism both in law school and during the 1988 Presidential Campaign,  the stupid exaggeration of his law school standing,  the sleazy hair-plugs, the Thomas hearings, the 1986 Anti-Drug Abuse Act, the 1994 Crime Bill, the vote to overturn Glass-Steagall, the vote in favor of the Iraq  war, the bogus claims of being raised in an all-black church and of starting his college career at an H.B.C.U—and on and on and on until you can't see  Ol' Joe's shoes for the Charmin.

Nevertheless, the current election is Joe Biden's to win. If he does, fewer than two score people (still living) will be able to say the president was a year behind them in prep school. Depending on how he governs, maybe fewer than that will want to admit it; but before you sleep on Sleepy Joe, consider this: the flightless football team that he inherited as a half-back/wide receiver in ninth grade went from perennial toe jam to undefeated by the time he was a senior.  If Joe can do half as well for the flightless country on the clear path to extinction that is America, we'll all be singing the Archmere fight song:

"Hail, all you loyal Archers ... "

What, you thought they were gonna put Auks in the song?
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.