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Your Horoscope
Week of December 2
(Ramp Accessible) . . . because you are entitled not only to your own truth but also to your own predictions
The astrological stylings of the Autistic Astrologer. If you don't like your forecast, he will stick his fingers in his ears, stamp his feet, and hum loudly.

Cancer (June 21–July 22) A stranger will stop you in the mall and ask if you can change a twenty. This is a trick question. Don't rifle through your billfold. Don't rummage through your purse. Grab your left elbow instead, spin around once, and shout, "Into what, a toad, you jackass?" The stranger will then grant you three wishes. Beware, those have trick answers.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) Troubled by crank phone calls you install caller ID, only to learn that the person phoning you at 3 a.m. and reciting obscene limericks in an electronically altered voice is your mother. You left her in a nursing home nine states away, but wait until you find out where she's living.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) Your teeth become sensitive to radio waves following a routine dental X-ray, and you begin picking up cell phone transmissions within a one-mile radius. Soon you are tormented by the shallowness of human discourse and by a neighbor who sneaks out to the garage to talk on his cell phone late at night. Your reactions are not the mark of a large soul. You have not been cursed; you have been blessed with an opportunity to know your fellow humans and to become a better listener. Embrace it.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct.23) The goddess Maytag, in harmonic convergence with the House of Proctor and Gamble, has designated the crockpot as your ruling symbol. Unfortunately, this symbol is associated not only with the pleasure of cooking for a family but also with the loneliness of the mechanized meal. In other words: heads you win, tails you eat alone.

Scorpio (Oct. 24–Npv. 21) You are at war with your demons, and your demons are winning. You are no longer on speaking terms with your conscience. The cardinal virtues just sublet your beach house to the seven deadly sins. Unless you can lay claim to excess disposable income and a lawyer with disposable ethics, do not change anything more significant than your ring tones until next week. Concentrate on small, manageable issues such as eliminating keyboard plaque, cataloging your CD collection, and arranging the books on your shelves in alphabetical order.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21) This is your bulletproof week. The world is your White Diamond Escalade. No longer will you travel at the speed of dark. Wealth, success, and teeth-rattling sex are yours for the asking. Often you will be tempted to pinch yourself to make sure you are awake. That beats the weeks when you had to pinch your favorite sex partner to make sure he or she was awake. Warm the cockles of your cockles around this lap-dancing flame of good fortune, and don't be afraid to take risks.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19) The inclination to be status conscious and inhibited are so Capricorn that you rarely stop to ask yourself why you are hyper-cautious. Why do you get caught with your pants up while everyone else is skinny dipping in the communal hot tub? Why do you have to march to the beat of a metronome? If your inner Lady GaGa wants to bitch slap your outer Norah Jones, don't file a restraining order, scalp tickets to the event instead. Life is a party. Why not crash it?

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18) Troubled by your lack of formal education, you enroll in a no-courses, no-tests, no-waiting virtual university that awards degrees based on a student’s life experiences. After reviewing your application and waiting for your check to clear, the dean’s council votes to grant you a Bachelor of Arts in Compromising Positions with a minor in communicative disorders, providing you allow them to keep the pictures. Did you remember to write SAMPLE across the pictures? If not, you better start working on your self-preservation skills.

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Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20) The dating service you contacted suggests that you are best suited for the companionship of a significant other bearing a sticker that says, "Intel Inside." The next time you go looking for love in one of those fee-based places, be sure to check the application box that reads, "Same-species partner preferred."

Aries (March 21–April 19) Ever the cynic you have no trouble believing it isn’t butter; that some minds would not be a terrible thing to waste; and that maybe you don’t deserve a break today. You also have a highly developed sense of irony, which leads you to walk around muttering "I see living people" in a tiny, traumatized voice. Some people close to you might caution that trading on appearances is no substitute for developing the inner you. If they persist, try holding them at arm's length.

Taurus (April 20–May 20) Your life is a run-on sentence that is out of control and greatly in need of editing. Learn to appreciate the nuances of subordinate clauses and the hierarchical conjunctions that exist among colons, semicolons, commas, and em dashes. Strive to make the principles of good rhetoric your guiding lights. Better yet, learn when to keep your yap shut.

Gemini (May 21–June 21) Car A leaves Hollywood at 9:00 a.m. on Monday. Car B leaves Bangor, Maine, at the same moment. Car A, which has a 15-gallon gas tank and averages 19.6 miles per gallon, is driving east. Car B, which has a 17.5-gallon tank and averages 18.9 miles per gallon, is driving west. After three days, what color is car B?


Deplorably Speaking: A Righteous Blog
Our deplorable editor in briefs holds forth on a variety of topics from the ruination of sports to the frog-marching of male college students to the idiocies of third-wave feminism to whatever.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery-smelling, dried-up, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your goddamn head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


image of a gun

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Factors Affecting the Cost of Plant Hire and How to Reduce Them
Nov 23, 2018 - 6:55
an image
What newcomers to the heavy equipment scene fail to understand is that machine rental doesn’t have a uniform price tag. Rental rates can be surprisingly variable depending on what your needs are. Plant hire services are far from cheap, so if you’re ever in need of excavation or building groundwork for your business, you must make a list of what your financial adviser’s needs are and how they can help you choose affordable choices.

Though product rates may be consistent, other variables need to be considered with regards to the renting cost. Here are some of the most critical factors when it comes to reducing your renting costs so that you can make sure that you’re making the most of your spending.

Availability of the service

One of the more significant concerns when it comes to securing a renting service is availability. If there is a significantly high demand for leasing heavy equipment, you can be sure to face higher prices depending on where you are. If supplies are low, your provider might aim to borrow from another source which could implicate a massive leap in your expenses wherein they’ll include transport costs. In the same manner, renting services while your providers’ supply is large in stock can give you the benefit of receiving the ‘standard price’ for renting.

Having a definite start and end date for your project can ensure that the services you rent will be reliable. Make them commit to deadlines you’ve set so that you won’t deal with an overextension on site to reduce your production, maintenance, and energy costs that you will have to shoulder during the duration of the project.

Location and travel time

You’d think that the most significant expense would be paying for the service to have the equipment on-site, but a great way for your bill to become inflated is to secure a service that’s far from your site. Travel time contributes to a considerable amount on your statement, as suppliers will have to mobilise their transport to move the heavy equipment from their base of operations to where your project is. Finding the closest possible provider could save you a lot on the extra expenses that transport could incur. Going local by hiring equipment rental services such as Ruttle plant hire in Preston can save you the trouble of leasing from suppliers farther from your area.

Size matters

A rookie mistake in hiring heavy equipment for rent is not understanding ‘how heavy’ they should go; this could be the result of not having the right computations for the blueprints that you have or not being able to communicate well with your engineer in drafting excavation plans. Whichever the case, the right size for the machine and equipment that you’ll be purchasing can save you from making a costly mistake. Mobilisation costs contribute to a huge chunk of your bill depending on the size of the machine you rent.

Image: Pixabay.com



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