Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  GanjaScope℠ Is President Trump's Favorite Read
        Oct 31, 2019 - 5:27
an image
Postcards from the Pug Bus (2PB) has "heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend" that GanjaScope℠ is President Trump's "favorite read." At least that's what friend #1 (initials IT) told 2PB. Friend #2 (initials KC) reports that "Donald has someone read it to him as soon as it's posted." Friend #3 (initials SB, an ex-friend, actually) was ceremoniously dumped by the White House for telling reporters that "the president bases most of his policy decisions on that shit."

We are proud and humbled and slightly tumescent, therefore, to present the latest reiteration of the GanjaScope℠, astrological projections to Make America Great Again.

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): Our fates are often influenced by the people with whom we share a sign. Your dominant sign buddies are the composer Mozart and the president Ronald Reagan. This explains why, even though you love music, you can't remember the words to any songs. Warning: unless you change the password on your BudFinder app, oh shit, too late. My bad.

Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): A weekend field trip with the Kennett Square mycophile society is followed by a mushrooming panic attack. You wind up in an emergency room where all the other patients look like Adam Sandler characters. Someone is trying to tell you that your eat-it-first-ask-questions-later approach to life—needs modification. Remember: the unexamined mushroom is not worth eating.

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Aries (3/21 - 4/19): A loud, twangy voice awakens you from a nightmare in which you are trapped in a 22-Plex Cinema whose only feature is "Rambo: Last Blood"; but the sweet waters of relief turn schmutzig when you realize that the twangy voice is coming from Brooks and Dunn on your neighbor's stereo. Do you crank up Slayer in retaliation; do you attempt to reason with your neighbor; or do you decide to get more stoned? Um ...

Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): This week the things that turn you on turn on you. You go for a drive to clear your head, but nearly drive into a tree when you notice the following sticker: “Objects seen in the rear view mirror may not necessarily be real.” Such is the price that Taurans pay for their artistic leanings. Observe the speed limit for the time being and resist the temptation to think of yourself in the third person.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): Geminis who smoke too much pot suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with one's own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Customer service operators on the Dark Web are ready to assist in this transformation.

Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet BongRip in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and—as Lane Bryant and her gal pap Oprah are my judges—large will be your shadow on the world's stage.

Leo (7/23 - 8/22): Your fondness for irony mutates into a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life. Dandruff shampoo turns you into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication makes you hack and sputter like a flooded outboard motor. Deodorant produces a rancid, road-kill aroma about your personal zones. I'd lay off the Beano, contraceptive devices, and hemorrhoid preparations if I were you.

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Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Virgos are ruled by the buttocks, the seat of all power. Their gemstone is porcelain, their favorite time of day is right after meals, and they prize regularity above all other virtues. Bring these portions to bear on the current run-on-sentence condition that characterizes your burnt-out-roach of a life.

Libra (9/23 - 10/23): Headaches can be caused by an excessive number of insufferably cute magnets on the refrigerator door. Leftover issues will overwhelm the new year before it's even out of diapers unless you take control of your environment. A house is not a home just because it's cluttered. One person's trash is another person's treasure only if one of them is homeless. Practice Organized Living, the places and spaces of your life will thank you for it.

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): The oracles at High Times, Dope, and the Reader's Digest suggest that any major decisions you make in the near term be guided by the following maxim: Half a joint is better than none only when the sum of the hypotenuse is greater than or equal to the hexadecimal value of burnt orange. If you must color your world, color it something that doesn't clash with your aura, which runs to earth tones. Anything red—be it wine, underwear, or meat—could be misinterpreted by those closest to you, including yourself.

Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): You poke fun at a mime, who replaces your shadow with a copy of his. After several embarrassing lunchtime incidents and a near arrest on obscenity charges, you begin going out only at night. This is a dreadful inconvenience, but it does solve that problem you were having with wet birds. Because you can’t call in sick forever, you must regain control of your shadow. Yoga and meditation are the best solutions, but if your schedule is too crowded, wearing a CBD-infused copper bracelet may help.

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): The inclination to be status conscious and inhibited are so Capricorn that you rarely stop to ask yourself why you are hyper-cautious. Why do you get caught with your pants up while everyone else is skinny dipping in the communal hot tub? Why do you have to march to the beat of a metronome? If your inner Laura Ingraham wants to bitch slap your outer Michelle O, don’t file a restraining order, scalp tickets instead. Life is a party. Why not monetize it?

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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