postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
This website will not help you to "get through" anything
during the current not-soon-to-be-over pandemic
it won't "get you through" Thanksgiving
or missing your granny's funeral
or any of the other shit
you ought to be able to "get through" on your own, Skippy
This message brought to you by the Alt-Right's favorite satire site
Home   Ass Hats   Celebrities   Music   News   Religion   Sports   Technology   Weed   Our Staff  

drunken young woman passed out after pissing herselfSTAFF PICKS
This week's staff picks, selected especially for you by Kristi Burlinson, our editorial intern majoring in Gender Reassignment studies at Brown University, include ...

(1) a token BLM article, Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars;
(2) an exclusive report on The Divorce Between Yin and Yang;
(3) The Oldest Living Article currently in our database.


Search This Site

The Book of Daze℠
image of a calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes

The Grammar Prick
image
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

Your Getting High in the Car Horroscope
Nov 9, 2020 - 11:20
an image

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA–Gemstones, colors, and power phrases are not the only astrological influences guiding our destinies. In fact, the vehicles we drive are the engines that really drive our happiness. If you’ve been spinning your wheels on life’s limited-access highway of late, perhaps it's because you’re behind the wheel of the wrong kind of machine. The Ganjascope's First Annual New and Used Carma Guide will help you get your rear in gear and keep your peddle to the mental.

Leo (7/23–8/22): An armor-plated pickup truck with an extended-cab and wheels the size of Rhode Island will carry you wherever your dreams envision—especially if you get the Richard Petty model with the 75-gallon auxiliary gas tank. Soon you’ll be crooning some Toby Keith, smoking a concentrate-infused pre-rolled, and backng over shopping carts at Costo.

Virgo (8/23–9/22): A vintage 1967 VW bus with the Cheech and Chong all-natural exterior— and smoke alarms throughout —is your ticket to ride. Still capable of doing zero to 60 in five minutes, this dream machine will deliver more smiles to the miles, and you’ll be so glad you kept all your old eight-track tapes. Deep six the old-head bong, though, and hook yourself up with a high-end, overpriced vaporizer.

Libra (9/23–10/23): The road to hog heaven calls. Ditch that silly sport utility vehicle and get yourself a customized Harley-Davidson easy rider, replete with 500-channel television, surround-sound stereo, fold-down Formica dining area and hideaway dry-cleaning unit. Jay Leno drives one. So did Malcolm Forbes. What’s stopping you? If you're worried about smoking on this thing, that's why edibles were invented.

Scorpio (10/24–11/21): Nothing says “I’m my own person” louder than a Studebaker, a car that was so far ahead of its time it looked as if was standing still even when it was moving. A deco delight, the Studebaker continues to thrill the truly outre. Get one in pink with silver trim if you’ve got the non-cisgender nerve; but no matter what gender you think you are, a no-nonsense glass bowl is a Studebaker's best friend.

Sagittarius (11/22–12/21): Your recent conversion to a holistic, centered lifestyle—which you made without sacrificing your puckish sense of humor—demands nothing less than the entrance that can only be made from a Steve Urkel electric car. Practice saying “Did I do that?” as you get out of your Urkelmobile after parking in your neighbor’s flower bed. As Urkel never got high, there is obviously a tolerance break in your future.

Capricorn (12/22–1/19): Your flair for the unconventional cries out for a Corvair. Like this classic auto, you have often been said to be unsafe at any speed. If you want to show all those front-engine fogies that big brother isn’t going to tell you what to drive, get a ‘63 Corvair with a “Ralph Who?” and a "Legalize Pot" bumper sticker.

Aquarius (1/20–2/18): Unlike the rest of America, which missed the point about the Edsel, you have always appreciated its subtlety and daring. Now’s the time to come out of the automotive closet. Get the Edsel that Aunt Clementine left you out of storage and, with the radio blasting “Born to Be Wild,” head out on the highway, vaping the limonene-dominant strain of the moment.

Pisces (2/19–3/20): The Sportsman’s Motor Condo with hot tub, patio, observation deck and autopilot is the one vehicle that can accommodate your muddled sense of direction when you've been smoking, your fondness for strong drink, and your phobia about sleeping in strange beds. Don’t leave home without one.

Aries (3/21–4/19): The Humvee, with its tanklike construction, plush interior and military bearing, is just the thing for a hostile corporate takeover or a spur-of-the-moment getaway to your favorite off-road Valhalla. The Pentagon pays upwards of $8 million for one, but you can get a low-mileage, previously commandeered bargain for about 60K.

Taurus (4/20–5/20): The Austin Powers, a built-to-scale replica of the Austin Healy, is the perfect car for Taurans. It exudes style and verve while excluding all driving partners with children, dogs, or a lot of baggage. The removable passenger seat is an attractive option for those who truly enjoy their own company best.If ever there was a ticnture-perfect ride, this is it.

Gemini (5/21–6/21): “She's got a competition clutch/With four on the floor/Yeah, she purrs like a kitten/Till the Lake pipes roar/And if that ain't enough/To make you flip your lid/There's one more thing/I've got the pink slip, Daddy!” So, Beach Boys fan, you tell me what your astrological vehicle is.


Cancer (6/22–7/22): As the days grow shorter following the autumn equinox, your prospects diminish, too. Twisted after vaping too much of that White Runtz shit, you fear that every yahoo driving with no insurance and an expired license is down at the gas-and-go stoking up on coffee and day-old Twinkies. Leave your car in the garage and lease a Rent-a-Wreck if you must leave home before Christmas.
Humor Feed Banner
Red Bull Logo

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.


bunch of pugs looking out the back of a van
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

Daily Local News image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
an image
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti smoking a funny cigarette
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.