postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
...
...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
| Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us |
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
|
|
||
|
God Says He Told Ref to Throw Flag at “That Silly High School Kid”
HEAVEN–The Lord God Almighty—King of Kings, Giver of All Gifts, Father of All Fathers, and Keeper of the Most Holy Restroom Key—announced today that He was responsible for the penalty assessed on a high school football player who pointed to the sky, and ostensibly at God, after scoring a touchdown in a game two weeks ago.Oct 28, 2015 - 11:56 "I have had it up to my kiester with athletes pointing at the sky after scoring a touchdown, draining a three, hitting a home run, whatever," said Mr. Jaweh. "Where do these people get the idea that I would take a personal interest in—much less interfere with—the outcomes of their amusements? Just because the game is important to them doesn’t mean it’s important to me. That’s rather arrogant, don’t you think?" The kid who got The Lord’s goat is Dante Turo, quarterback at Mexico (New York) High School. Young Mr. Turo believes his talent is God given, and like many insufferable Christian athletes he raises an index finger to the sky (or to the roof) after a good play to advertise that fact. If you have watched fifteen minutes’ worth of sports, even grade B high school sports such as Young Mr. Turo plays, you have no doubt seen this tiresome routine. If you are like us, you sneer at such pretentiousness. (Young Mr. Turo added insult to inanity by holding the football up in his left hand while pointing with his right index finger to the sky—a real multitasker, he. We’re surprised he didn't set the ball on fire as a thanksgiving offering.) His self-righteous posturing cost Young Mr. Turo’s team a fifteen-yard penalty on the ensuing extra point try, which was missed. Ultimately Mexico lost the game 33-31, their penultimate contest; and they lost the one after that for good measure, a game in which Young Mr. Turo threw two interceptions. Who’s your daddy now, kid? The Lord do, indeed, work in mysterious ways. One thing for certain: He ain’t nobody to fuck with. Flashing more of His famed Old Testament truculence, The Almighty One was also critical of Young Mr. Turo’s subsequent appearance on Fox News’ Fox & Friends. “Those people at Fox think they own and operate me,” said Mr. Jaweh, “but they’ve got another think coming, especially Bill O’Reilly. Did you read that nonsense book he wrote about my son? Rubbish. He’d better be lawyered up come the Last Judgement.” © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
||
|
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
