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drunken young woman passed out after pissing herselfSTAFF PICKS
This week's staff picks, selected especially for you by Kristi Burlinson, our editorial intern majoring in Gender Reassignment studies at Brown University, include ...

(1) a token BLM article, Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars;
(2) an exclusive report on The Divorce Between Yin and Yang;
(3) The Oldest Living Article currently in our database.

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

Lena Van Haren of Everett Middle School Is Ass Hat of the Week
Oct 21, 2015 - 12:25
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SAN FRANCISCO—Just when you think progressives couldn't possibly do anything more batshit than some of the batshit things they've done already, along comes some batshit progressive with her head up her ass crashing headlong into the walls of common sense, decency, right thinking, and civic fucking responsibility. That headless horseperson would be Lena Van Haren, principal at Everett Middle School in San Francisco, proud sanctuary city by the bay.

On October 9 the students at Everett Middle School held a student council election, the sort of thing that only suck-ups and yokels like Joe Biden get excited about. Four days later, after reviewing the results of the election, Principal Van Haren sent an e-mail to parents informing them that election results would not be released because they didn't reflect the school's diversity.

Da fuck you talkin' about, homie?

If you bothered to count, you would find that Everett Middle School's 469 students are 56% Hispanic, 18% white, 9% black, 5% Asian, and 12% other; but the top four out of ten student council offices, Principal Van Haren later reported, included no Latino or black candidates. What is wrong with those students? Ain’t they never heard of diversity, yo?

What to do? What to do? Why, hold meetings of course, and do a lot of hand wringing, breast beating, garment rending, perhaps a little yoga, plenty of self-righteous posturing—and then say a lot of dip shit stuff like “. . . as principal I want to make sure all voices are heard from all backgrounds."

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If there were a god, and sometimes it would be convenient if there were, s/he would have turned that witless twat into a fire hydrant in a dog park. Does she lie to herself with that mouth? All the fucking voices were heard. It was called an election, you bumptious fool. Your sitting on the election results doesn't do anything but impart a musty, somewhat salty flavor to the proceedings.

As Katherine Timpf, writing in National Review Online pointed out, “Irony: All students did have the opportunity to make their voices heard through voting—and refusing to report those results seems more like making sure that they’re not heard. (Emphasis in the original.)”

Ever the whirling dervish, Principal Van Haren then declared that the fact that the results were not released did not mean that she was “nullifying” the election or saying that it “didn't count.”

Most parents were not amused, and a full ten days after the election Principal Van Haren finally gave up the results. According to one newspaper report, "[although] there was some diversity among the 10 winners, no English learners were elected, even though they make up about a third of enrollment. African American and Latino students were underrepresented, while white, Asian and mixed-race students, who are in the minority at the school, took the top four spots."

The response to Principal Van Haren's hijacking the ballot box was immediate and at times vehement. Parents complained; students were pissed. It appeared, some parents argued, that diversity was trumping democracy. (It usually does when progressives are in charge.)

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In her defense Principal Van Haren said she wanted to wait until there was a plan—created with student input, of course—to increase diversity among student leaders, perhaps by adding positions.(Hey, why not give everybody who received any vote in the election a seat on the council? Then give everyone who voted a certificate of participation.)

"It's not OK for a school that is really, really diverse to have the student representatives majority white," Principal Van Haren said.

She never explained why that isn't OK, but with both tits in wringers, she did admit there was probably a better way to insure diversity of outcomes.

"Of course I look back and we should have communicated the winners right away," she said. "I could never have predicted things would get to this point.

"I think," she added, "it still can be a teachable moment."

True dat. It's the moment when we teach kids that you can't run a school with your head up your ass. Here's your award, Van Haren. Wear it in good health.
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.