Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
Meet Our Illustrious Staff Jan 25, 2006 - 9:33
Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs, is a retired freelance writer and editor living in a land of virtual reality with his wife, a Boston terrier, a cat, the ashes of a dozen or so former pets, and a constant supply of live resin carts from Cresco and Calypso. Phil has written nine books and more than 800 articles in the last four decades. He spent most of his time prior to that in a drug-induced stupor, honing his craft and courting his muse, who rejected him.
Biff Scuzzy, our special events correspondent, is from Altoona, Pennsylvania, though not as far from Altonna as some people there might prefer. Biff, whose Christian name has been revoked, attended Bryn Mawr and Princeton before taking a degree from Goldey Beacom Virtual University in Harlingen, Texas. Goldey Beacom has asked him repeatedly to return the degree, but to no avail. Biff is a regular contributor to the delinquency of minors.
Chip Hilton, cultural affairs desk editor, is a talented but fragile waif who was named after an impossibly noble fictional sports hero of the 1950s. Chip is a bipolar, bimodal, bimonthly contributor to this site. His byline has also appeared on the lavatory walls of some of this country's finest men's—and women's—rooms. His latest book, Flattery is the Best Policy, is available in the remainder bins of non-discriminating bookstores everywhere.
Buckner Wheat, our Chicago correspondent emeritus, is a native Texan and aspiring Canadian. After spending seven years as a Trappist monk, he was suddenly asked to leave when he was caught sneaking a Thorazine drip into Mass. He began piano studies at the age of eight and has been sighted performing his musical comedy act at various disreputable clubs in Chicago. His heroes are St. Therese, Janis Joplin, and Judge Judy.
Matthew Strachan, our senior UK correspondent emeritus, was born in London and studied music at Dartington College of Arts and later at London University. He has composed rather a lot of television music over the years, including the various bleeps, tunes, and underscores for the international hit Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Since then he has bummed around in Nashville, TN, a lot and has spent much of his time down there being too afraid to enter certain diners. He has one wife, one daughter, but no longer has a rabbit.
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.