Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  National Small Town Crime Day, A Case Study from Port Allegany, PA℠
        Dec 4, 2019 - 7:15
an image
Small Town America, who doesn't love it ... or at least the idea of it? Tree-lined streets with a church on every third corner; impish, tow-headed children on loan from a Norman Rockwell painting; no need to lock the doors at night or at any other time. Bliss, for sure, but with all the recent talk about the rural opioid crisis, Small Town America has taken one in the shorts. Hoping to help restore the reputation of Small Town America as a safe haven from drugs, crime, social justice warriors, and racial strife, we give you Port Allegany, Pennsylvania.

Per the census of 2000, Port Allegany was home to 2,355 people, 99.36% of whom were Caucasian. The median household income was $34,896, and the median family income was $43,125. Those figures, however, do not convey as much information about the quality of life in Port Allegany as its crime statistics do. Witness the following annotated crime report for November 14 through 21, this year. Prepare to be staggered.

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Nov. 14
At 11:30 a.m., police received a report of a suicidal male on Mill Street. The report was unfounded. (Internet connectivity is so spotty in Port Allegany that people often do appear suicidal.)

The officer received a complaint of an email scam at 1:34 p.m. The victim received an email purporting to be an employer requesting Google Play cards which were purchased, photographed, and sent to the scammer. (And then?)

Police received a report of possible stolen medications at 8:46 p.m. The report is unfounded and the items may have been misplaced during an emergency transport to the hospital. (Perhaps they rolled under the gurney when the emergency transport vehicle took too sharp a turn.)

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Nov. 15
Police received a report of a property dispute at 2:36 a.m. from an individual who wanted to retrieve belongings from a parent’s residence. (That's what happens when you lock your kid out of the basement . . . he comes around a 2:36 a.m. and raises a ruckus.)

At 1:30 p.m., police received a report of property taken from a porch on Park Lane. Police were unable to determine who the property belonged to as it was exchanged several times and was eventually deemed abandoned. (WTF?)

Police conducted a traffic stop at 7:27 p.m. at the Kwik Fill resulting in citations, including one for an open container of alcohol. (Finally, some action.)

Nov. 17
Police assisted a driver with a vehicle lockout at noon. (No vehicle windows were harmed in the provision of this service.)

At 1:30 p.m., an officer sitting stationary in a patrol vehicle reported an individual yelling at him. (Perhaps the yelling individual was just trying to make sure the cop wasn't sleeping on duty.)

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Nov. 19
Police responded to a property dispute on South Main Street where a neighbor was reportedly blocking access to a driveway by parking in front of it. (Good driveways make good neighbors.)

Nov. 21
Borough police assisted state police with a motor vehicle accident at 1:05 a.m. (No opioids were found at the scene.)

At 4:52 p.m., someone turned in a vehicle registration card found at the Kwik Fill. (That Kwik Fill is slammin', first the open alcohol container, now this. Can a flasher be far behind?)

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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