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drunken young woman passed out after pissing herselfSTAFF PICKS
This week's staff picks, selected especially for you by Kristi Burlinson, our editorial intern majoring in Gender Reassignment studies at Brown University, include ...

(1) a token BLM article, Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars;
(2) an exclusive report on The Divorce Between Yin and Yang;
(3) The Oldest Living Article currently in our database.


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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes

The Grammar Prick
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Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

What to Do When She Screams for God During Sex
Aug 22, 2019 - 5:23
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WEST CHESTER,Pa.—Atheism is the quickest-growing non-religion in the United States. To celebrate this encouraging development, we introduced recently an occasional series of articles by, for, and about atheists. We began with "Ask Nietzsche, Advice for Atheists," a column designed to help atheists who find themselves caught in the sticky wickets often created by the bumptious believers of the world—folks whom only an imaginary, all-forgiving god could love.

Dear Friedrich:
My girlfriend of several weeks has a habit that could doom our relationship. Whenever we have sex, which is quite frequently and loudly, she begins screaming "Oh god, oh god, oh my god" right before she comes. The problem is, I'm an atheist, and I find this habit distracting. How do I tell her I'd like her to scream something else, preferably my name, instead?
Lester

Herr Lester:
Doesn't your girlfriend know that god is gestorben? The neighbors are more likely to hear her screaming than god is.

You are not alone with this problem, mein Freund. It is more common than you think. It is also a good reason for dating only atheists. If you want to continue enjoying this woman's company, however, perhaps you ought to have the "religion" discussion at this point. At least you'll know to which god she is screaming, and she'll know you're an atheist. Thus, if she's sensitive, she'll start screaming for Zeus, the Great Pumpkin, or some other imaginary being when the clit hits the meatstick.

If you're worried that your being an atheist will bother her, you might try counter programming. Just as she's about to begin paging god next time, start screaming her name. Match her scream for scream, decibel for decibel. Maybe she'll get the hint and start screaming your name instead of that other fellow's.

You might also experiment with different positions if you haven't done so already. According to the latest Nielsen research, more women voice-dial god from the missionary than from other positions, which are more likely to elicit a thunderous fuck me harder, you beastman, oh, baby, baby, or yes, yes, YESSSSS. These positions include but are not limited to doggie style, cowgirl, or flat iron We cannot recommend the seated scissor as more injuries are sustained in that position than any other, including seven stars around the moon.

Finally, may I recommend 69, the sacred number, the magical mystery tour. A woman with a mouthful of bratwurst isn't going to be calling anyone's name, and even if she is a ventriloquist and manages to eke out an "ahrurr ghurrd," she'll sound as if she's speaking in tongues and you'll still have the option of crushing her thighs against your ears and blocking out the sound, not to mention the light.

If all else fails, and you don't want to resort to a ball gag, just let her pleas for god go in one ear and out the same one. At the end of the lay, it's really no skin off your dogma.
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.