Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
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two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
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man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  St. Fabian, Patron Saint of Dove Fanciers
        Jan 19, 2016 - 11:35
       
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WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Fabian d’Fabiano, whose name literally means “Fabian, Son of the Son of Fabian,“ was a poor excuse for an olive farmer, who lived outside Rome. To supplement his pitiful income he raised doves for racing and companionship and, when all else failed, food.

In 236 CE—shortly after the tragic yet unforeseen [sic] death of Pope Anteros—Fabian took himself to Rome. He went for many of the same reasons people still travel to Rome during a papal election today: celebrity gawking, fried smelts and thick slices of tomato pie from vendors, Papal Mingle Speed Dating booths, and fortune tellers.

The papal balloting, held next to an open-air pet market, had failed to yield a new pope on the first twelve votes, which were interrupted but briefly by two assassination attempts. People were beginning to mutter among themselves about "an heroicos pluvia stercore" when a dove that had escaped from its cage landed on Fabian’s head, which was crowned with a thatch of dry yellow hair that made him look as if he was balancing a young haystack on it. Although Eusebius the historian reported that the dove “landed” on Fabian’s head, other historians, principally Onerous the Obscure, claim the bird defecated (or perhaps even ejaculated) on Fabian’s dome.

       
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Whatever the case, the assembled multitude took it as a sign, a deja vu damn reminder of that time the Holy Spirit had descended upon Jesus’ head when Jesus was baptized. “Habemus papam. Habemus papam,” they shouted, lifting the startled Fabian onto their shoulders and carrying him about the town square with a frightened dove clinging murderously to the right side of his head. (Miraculously the dove's claws left no marks on Fabian. He was credited with his first miracle as a consequence.)

As the qualifications for being elected pope were less refined in those days—it would be centuries before the sons of popes would be given legacy consideration in papal elections—Fabian was in. This despite the fact that he spoke no Latin, was not a priest, had not received Communion in three years, and was a complete stranger to most of the people of his small village.

        Because Pope Fabian had not only raised doves but also had been selected for the papacy by a dove, he established a large aviary, that also served as his personal living quarters, in the papal residence. He devoted most of his time to the care and feeding of his ”winged little children“ during his thirteen years in office. He is said to have known all their names by heart, and he is credited with inaugurating the custom of releasing doves during masses and other special events.

Fabian’s devotion to his doves left him without much time or inclination to increase the papal coffers through the sale of indulgences or questionable relics. He has been criticized by some church fathers for this—"putat puppis non olet”—but Fabian was left in peace, some would say ”ignored,” by the Roman emperor, Philip, who rubber stamped Fabian’s appointments of seven deacons, whom Fabian named in honor of the seven Hills of Rome.

        Pope Fabian was also instrumental in remodeling the catacombs, installing benches for visitors and courtesy lights in some of the darker regions. Sadly Pope Fabian was soon to occupy one of those burial vaults.

With the ascension of Emperor Decius in 249 CE, the Roman government lost patience with Christianity. Any Christian who refused to make an offering to a pagan god was toast. Fabian, who refused to sacrifice even the slowest and most sickly of his doves, became one of Decius' first victims, dying as a martyr on 20 January 250. He was buried in the catacombs he had helped earn their first Michelin star.
   

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