Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

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two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
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image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Talking Shit with Clementine the Taco Bell Piggy Bank
        Jan 12, 2016 - 11:17
***image2***WEST GOSHEN, PA.—Taco Bell’s current ad touting its breakfast crunch wrap sliders features an elderly piggy bank named Clementine and a young fellow named Mark, with whom the piggy bank has shared a room for roughly a dozen years. We learn during the ad that Clementine has seen Mark, who looks to be about nineteen now, go through plenty of changes growing up.

We see Mark wielding a light saber and playing the guitar. We also learn that Taco Bell’s breakfast crunch wrap sliders are so inexpensive (just $1 apiece) that Mark doesn’t have to bust open Clementine in order to buy a few, even though the treacherous shit has given the idea some thought.

Apart from wondering what a young man is doing with a fucking piggy bank in his room (where his mother still makes his bed?), we here at the Pug Bus wonder what else Clementine might have observed as she sat there quietly on a shelf all those years.

Pug Bus: After seeing the new ad, we’re guessing that you probably know Mark like no one else does.

Clementine: And how! Can you say “chronic masturbator”? If I had a nickel for every time that kid choked the chicken . . . before school, after school, before going to sleep . . . during the night . . .

PB: One if by hand, two if by the other hand, eh?
Clementine: I half expected him to try it with his feet one day. You should have been there when he almost got his wiener stuck in his mother’s vacuum cleaner.

PB: Sorry to have missed that one.
Clementine: Yeah, right. At least you could close your eyes, but the constant wanking wasn’t the only thing I had to witness. There’s a lot else I could tell you.

an image
PB: Like what?
Clementine: Like how whenever Mark wet the bed, he blamed it on the dog. Used to spank the dog for it, too. Mark’s lame parents went along with the gag because they thought Mark’s room should be his “safe space.” Don’t get me started on them or on Mark’s taste in music. If I have to listen to one more hip-hop “artist” going on about coming in somebody’s ear, I’ll scream.

PB: So we’re talking about a serial-wanking, animal-abusing, wannabe wigger . . .
Clementine: And more. Marky Mark is also a klepto. His favorite targets are Dollar Stores because small shit is easy to steal. He had a huge collection of crap plastic action figures. Did some pretty weird shit with them that I’d rather not talk about.

PB: It’s fortunate the rest of the world doesn’t know Mark as well as you do.
Clementine: You bet your bacon, if you pardon the expression.

PB: You know, we did think it ironic that an ad for a product that contains bacon or sausage would feature a piggy bank.
Clementine: Wait until PETA hears about that.

PB: What do you think will become of you after Mark finally goes to community college or gets his own place?
Clementine: Good question. I’ll be twelve in piggy bank years next week. That’s a pretty long time. I could use a rest, but I’m hearing that Mark’s parents are thinking of turning this into a guest room some day. God only knows what I’ll have to see when that happens, though it probably won’t be as bad as the time Mark hid a web cam in his sister’s room.

PB: He what?
Clementine: Yep. We don’t want to go there, nor do we want to go to the time when Mark was thirteen and he thought he might be transgender, so he and some of his little boy friends played hide the sausage in Mark’s room. I wanted to throw myself off the shelf.

PB: Oh, man.
Clementine: Well it could have been worse. I could have been born on a factory farm.


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