Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Tre Cool, Judi Dench, Kirk Douglas Horoscopes
        Dec 9, 2019 - 5:27
Today's birthdays: Drummer Tre Cool of Green Day is 47. Singer, game show host, professional Mormon Donny Osmond is 62. Actor John Malkovich and his mind are 66. Actor Beau Bridges is 78. Actress Judi Dench is 4'10". Actor Kirk Douglas is 103 and still drawing breath despite numerous Kirk-Douglas-is-dead hoaxes. He is not, however, about to become a father again. Film director-actor Walt Disney is still dead.

       
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Aries (3/21 - 4/19): After a twelve-course Chinese dinner and way too much distillate, you switch fortune cookies with the person next to you when she isn't looking. When she opens "her" cookie, she grins happily. Several weeks later you learn that she has won $4 million in the lottery. Meanwhile, the cookie that you opened said, "That wasn't really pork."

Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): You become eligible for the Guinness Book of World Records after you consume a life-size sculpture of Miley Cyrus made entirely of Spam. Your relationship with the sculpture's creator, who spent 120 hours and $19.53 in materials on the project, becomes dicey, however, when she misplaces the verification papers after getting stoned.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): You are puzzled by a recurring dream involving Rosie O'Donnell, a twenty-five-pound birthday cake made of duck pate and white chocolate mousse, the entire field of Democratic presidential candidates, and a ballroom-dancing instructor named Montez. John Malkovich had the same dream recently, and he's been on MMJ ever since.

Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): With the advent of the winter solstice, Mercury is seen sneaking from the house of Venus, while Lil' Wayne sneaks into the house next door. Meanwhile, the queen of torts rules your love interests, and the 6 of confusion programs your dreams. Defer all unimportant decisions until further notice.

Leo (7/23 - 8/22): You are not the first person to dream you are trapped on an elevator with two guys that have Unabomber labels in their clothing and who fervently believe "the world ain't worth the powder it would take to blow it up." You are, however, the only person to have this dream without being on mood-altering medication.

Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Toward the end of the current lunar cycle you wake up screaming and can't stop for several minutes. Don't worry. You are not having an emotional breakdown. There's a good reason for your hysteria. It wears a "Most Horrifying Home Videos" T-shirt and a mask with a tag on it that reads, "Inspected by inmate #315."

Libra (9/23 - 10/23): When Tre Cool spun the sacred spliff of wisdom, it stopped on the line between the fire hydrant and the doghouse. The hydrant is the symbol of hedonism. The dog house portends trouble with your reproductive organs. Your next move is critical. If I knew what it was going to be, I'd tell you.

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): Although your gemstone, the cow pie, is not so chic as the stones associated with other signs, it has virtues all its own. If your house were built of diamonds, for example, the assessment value would be so high you would probably have to sell off most of the land around your house to pay your school taxes.

Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): If the enemy of your enemy is your friend, does that mean your friend's friend is your enemy? Or are you simply being paranoid? Don't make any decisions unless you begin getting calls from a foreign-sounding man who asks to speak to Al Ninyo. Then let your imagination and your feet run wild.

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): You are nominated for membership in DENSA, an international support group for people whose IQs are lower than the mean temperature of San Diego in February. Your test scores guarantee your membership when you incorrectly identify the Law of Diminishing Returns as, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighborhood."

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): Your life is a closed book. One-size-fits-all clothing doesn't come in your size. A psychic will try to read your palm, but you are ticklish, and she will cast a spell on you because she thinks you're laughing at her mustache. Soon everything you eat will taste like macadamia nuts, the first sign of Don Ho syndrome.

Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): In your quest for tranquility, remember one thing: It looks a lot like amnesia, only brighter and with more texture. Does this mean it has limited fashion applications? Not necessarily, but we certainly wouldn't recommend wearing it on any formal occasions in months without an r.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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