Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Weighted-Blanket Death Syndrome on the Rise
        Nov 19, 2020 - 5:53
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WEST CHESTER--A seventy-five-year-old woman, whose name was being withheld at press time, was found dead in her apartment yesterday afternoon, trapped by the weighted blanket under which she had been pinned for some time. Neighbors, who had not seen the woman for several days, alerted local police, who performed a wellness check, only to discover that things had not gone well for the unfortunate woman.

"In all my years on the force, I've never seen anything like this," said West Chester police chief William "Bill" Evans. "I just can't get that smell out of my mind."

"That smell," which has come to be known as "weighted-blanket bouquet," occurs when the weight of the blanket, twenty-five pounds in this case, literally cooks any fecal matter or other bodily emissions released when the victim dies. It is, sadly, a smell that is becoming more and more familiar as reports of Weighted-Blanket Death Syndrome increase.

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Weighted blankets, in case you're still using a duvet, feature an internal liner with small, sewn-in pockets filled with a weighted material. The added weight replicates deep-pressure therapy, which facilitates the release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that promotes relaxation. These blankets—originally intended for people afflicted with autism, Asperger's, and other sensory-processing disorders—are used to alleviate anxiety and to calm nerves. They also help people to fall asleep, and that's why celebrities like Kourtney Kardashian and their acolytes in the social-media mob have jumped on the weighted-blanket bandwagon.

"The design potential, given a blanket's large 'canvas,' is unlimited," says actress, Vanessa Grimaldi. "Besides, weighted blankets are a holistic alternative to Ambien. You won't be sleepwalking with the Gravitas Blanket 3000."

Unfortunately, some people never walk again after a night in the Gravitas 3000's leaden embrace. The Center for Disease Control does not track weighted-blanket deaths officially, but a spokesperson for the group warned that weighted blankets have claimed the lives of a miniature Schnauzer, a pair of Siamese twins, and a homeless person in San Francisco.

"Clearly," said the spokesperson, "this is not a one-size-fits-all blanket solution for sleeping disorders."

Endorsements like Vanessa Grimaldi's helped land weighted blankets on Time magazine’s “Best Inventions of 2018” list, even though such blankets have been in use for the last two decades. The only things different about today's blankets are the Swarovski diamond trim on some models, and the price. Until Gravitas Blankets started selling its own weighted accessories northward of $200 each, most sensory blankets cost roughly $80.

Next Ellen: Are weighted blankets the latest sex tool?

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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