Postcards from the Pug Bus                    

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Kobe the Girl Dad
died one year ago today
Kobe the Black Mamba
died long before that
he was the Kobe we admired for so long
girl dads are a dime a dozen
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Yesterday's Saint, Pope Callistus I, The Tell-All Biography
        Oct 15, 2015 - 1:10
an image
Suppose that Mitt Romney, after losing the 2012 Presidential Election to Barack Obama, somehow manipulated his way into writing not only the official biography of Mr. Obama but also the only one available. We should not be surprised if it contained facts such as “Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim; he was born in Kenya to a socialist father; he “pals around with terrorists”; he worships at a church run by a radical anti-American cleric; he can't go to his right, on the basketball court or off;” etc.

Such was the posthumous balls-in-a-bear-trap dilemma faced by Pope Callistus I, who died in 222 C.E.. This former slave, pope, and alleged martyr was also—according to his arch-enemy, biographer, and fellow saint Hippolytus—sympathetic to crooked investment bankers, a companion of prostitutes, defiler of young boys, addicted gambler, deficit spender, and alcoholic. That’s far worse than hanging around with terrorists or turning a blind eye toward sanctuary cities.

Callistus I pissed off Hippolytus I for several reasons. First there was the papal election that Callistus won over Hippolytus, who was still licking those wounds when Callistus poured salt in them by announcing that he would allow repentant murderers, gamblers, and public fornicators to receive communion. Worse yet, Callistus suddenly declared by papal executive order that marriages between free people and slaves were valid even though he had opposed such marriages before. That’s when Hippolytus remembered that the pen is mightier than the sword.

In his biography of Callistus, Dreams of His Father, Hippolytus described how Callistus, while managing St. Paul’s Savings & Loan in Rome, had embezzled money that had been deposited by widows and orphans in Christmas and vacation clubs. He also failed to deliver the final volume of a three-volume Comprehensive History of the Known World, which he had promised to new depositors.

According to Hippolytus, Callistus spent the money on travel, free health care for the poor, paid escorts, lavish clothing, bailing out chariot manufacturers, and extensive renovations on his villa in Tuscany. Callistus fled Rome on a Sicilian cruise ship to avoid prosecution, but when his master caught up with him, Callistus jumped into the sea hoping to escape prison by committing suicide. He failed, and after he had been hauled out of the water, he was brought back to Rome, put on trial, and sentenced to forced labor on the treadmill.

Eventually Callistus won his freedom by convincing his former master, Carporphorus, that he (Callistus) could persuade people to invest in prepaid, whole-life, all-indulgences-included burial insurance policies. Callistus was re-arrested, however, after he had gotten drunk and burst into a meeting at a synagogue, shouting anti-Semitic remarks and asking why Jews are buried standing up (so the money won't fall out of their pockets).

This time Callistus was sent to the mines. There he noticed that some other christians were being released following negotiations between the emperor and the pope (with the help of the emperor's mistress, who turned every cheek she had for christians). Callistus soon conned his way into a get-out-of-jail-free card; but everybody, including the pope and the emperor’s mistress, knew that Callistus didn’t deserve his freedom, so the pope gave Callistus an income and a “no-work situation” away from Rome.

Ten years later a new pope, Zephyrinus the Slow, recalled Callistus to Rome. Zephyrinus was a good-hearted sort, but he knew bupkis about theology. Callistus made himself useful by explaining to Zephyrinus how many choirs of angels can dance on the head of a pin.

When Zephyrinus died in 219 C.E., Callistus was proclaimed pope over the protests of his rival candidate Hippolytus. Callistus died three years later, but Hippolytus lived another fourteen years after that, which gave him plenty of time to work on his late enemy’s biography.

Although Pope Callistus I is often listed as a martyr, there is no record of how or by whom he was martyred, nor is there any record of actual miracles attributed to Callistus—unless one counts as miraculous the ability to make money disappear. St. Hippolytus I, for his part, merely lists the cause of St. Callistus’ death as “misadventure”—the same fate Mitt Romney envisions for Barack Obama.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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