Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Biden Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions Dec 4, 2020 - 5:42
WASHINGTON, D.C.—President-elect Joseph R. Biden announced yesterday that “on Day One” he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorists and the rash of travelers who wound up as many as five hundred miles off course after following aggressive GPS instructions, the president-elect did say that such incidents could undermine America’s economic recovery.
“We’re working hard to get this country back on the right track,” said Mr. Biden, “but we can’t do that if people lose faith in their digital, uh, their, er, those GPS things.”
According to the president, a recent MSNBC-ESPN poll demonstrated that loss of faith.
“More than half the people in this country believe we are headed in the wrong direction,” said the president-elect, “and we need to know why.”
The most recent case of a “curious” GPS malfunction involved a Nevada couple who were stranded on Christmas Day after their SUV’s navigation system sent them down a remote dirt road in the Winema-Fremont National Forest outside the small town of Silver Lake.
“We were just looking for the nearest McDonald’s,” said John Rhoads.
Mr. Rhoads, 65, and his wife, Kerrie Bush-Rhoads, 67, were stranded for three days with nothing but the Kenny G. Christmas album for amusement. Finally a rescue team responded to their weak cell-phone signal and pulled the couple’s four-wheel-drive Toyota Sequoia out of the snow with a winch.
“The GPS kept sending us down these tiny dirt roads,” said Kerrie Bush-Rhoads, “but when we asked for an alternate route, it told us to ‘shut up and drive’ in this Middle Eastern accent. It was almost like it had a mind of its own.”
President-elect Biden, sensitive to questions about his age and fragility, told reporters, “I used to drive weekends at local NASCAR events while I attended that HBCU in, uh, Delaware.”
Mr. Biden then told reporters that he had planned to drive from the White House to Camp David this weekend with nothing but a GPS for guidance, but his right foot will be in a walking boot for six weeks as a result of an injury Mr. Biden suffered while playing with his dog.
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The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.