Postcards from the Pug Bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word

for "welfare handouts"

an excuse for taking money from people

who never owned slaves

and giving it to people

who never were slaves?

Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,

"You didn't build that."

We say to reparations queens,

"You didn't earn that."

STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind

...

Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear

Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us

The Book of Daze℠

Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope

A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That

There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall

image of worldwide web on computer screen

Here's to a Brighter Day

Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On

seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised

Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers

Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News

West Chester University Golden Ram image

West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls

No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Pug Bus Interview

image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor

Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

We Dream of Making Cracker the New Nigga
Feb 9, 2021 - 3:21

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—Somerset Maugham wrote that people will forgive anything you do to them, but they seldom forgive anything you say to them. The old bender was almost right. In the United States of Decline these days, people won't forgive anything you say. Period. Doesn't matter if you say it to them or about them or not even about them at all. If you utter a "protected word," your ass is in the soup quicker than a missionary's who ran afoul of the hottentots.

Case in point is the attempted castration of Morgan Wallen by the Goddamn Forces of Woke. Mr. Wallen is a country music star of Jesus-like proportions: iHeartRadio's Best New Country Artist and the Country Music Association's New Artist of the Year for 2020; a new double album, Dangerous, that debuted at the top of the Billboard 200 chart and Billboard Top Country Albums, remaining there for four consecutive weeks. Makes Joe Biden's 64-percent approval rating look like a limp-dick minor piece.

Then Mr. Wallen went drinking with some rowdy friends on the last Sunday in January. They were loud, drunk, profane, and somewhat disorderly when they rolled up in front of Mr. Wallen's home in Nashville just around midnight, honking their horns and such as good ol' boys will do. Shortly thereafter, Mr. Wallen, 27, said to one white person in the group—referring to another white person in the group—"Take care of this pussy-ass mother-fucker," and a moment later, "take care of this pussy-ass nigga."

The above was recorded on a cell phone by one of Mr. Wallen's pussy-ass neighbors. Soon the vulture that is TMZ was broadcasting the clip, and quicker than you could say "pussy-ass nigga," Mr. Wallen became the latest scalp on the cancel culture belt. His record company suspended him indefinitely; Country Music Television said he couldn’t be on their shows or qualify for any year-end awards; iHeart Radio denounced him before cancelling him; and his record company also demanded that Mr. Wallen be removed from more than four hundred U.S. radio playlists.

Holy fucking shit, we thought, all that for no crime, not even a victimless one? Apparently we were not alone. According to Yahoo News for February 6, "Morgan Wallen is bigger than ever. He has the numbers 1, 3, 4, 5, and 8 singles on iTunes ... with fourteen (14) more floating around in the Top 100. Two of his albums are numbers 1 and 2 on iTunes; and Spotify never dropped him; he’s right there, streaming away. And ALL his videos are playing and playing on YouTube," where one of Mr. Wallen's clips has rung up 104 million views.

Well slap my mama and call me a pussy-ass fool, but like that famous Negro the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, I too have a dream, a dream of a day when all men are judged my the content of their speech not their character; a dream of a day when a black man can get in just as much trouble for using the word cracker in private ... as Mr. Wallen did for saying nigga in private; a day when white students are not denied admission to the college of their choice because that college chooses to play the diversity game, a game that has never proven to be at all effective; a day when southern culture and southern people are no longer the butt of jokes. After all, southerners and their culture are the last unprotected people in America, where it's always open season on crackers.

I may not live to see that day or to walk down any street in America safely in a White Pride parade; but that day is coming, my fellow pussy-ass crackers; and if it doesn't ... well good luck trying to stem that tide, the effort, as Mr. Wallen has written in another context, would be like "putting a band-aid on a bullet hole."

Next Kimmel: Was Barack Obama really Trayvon Martin's father?

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.