Postcards from the Pug Bus                
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠
        Dec 19, 2019 - 8:05
        WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.—Today is National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, according to The Pug Bus Book of Daze#8480;. This day is celebrated in its own right and for giving birth to the Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb℠ movement, launched from a motel room in Rehoboth, Home-of-Tax-Free-Fucking-Shopping, Delaware, on or about January 13, this year.

Like many movements, ours began with a T-shirt, designed by your author, which read: "Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb."℠ We have the digital receipt to prove it. With a T-shirt on order, we ordered up a movement, using the same name. Our slogan for now: "It Ain't No Joke If You Ain't Woke."

Our inspirations were three, Gentle Reader: MTV, Gillette, and USAToday in that order.

One of YouTube's least popular videos ever—MTV's"White Guy Resolution 2017"—was pulled forty-eight hours after its pre-Christmas debut three years ago. Ho, ho, ho dat, mother-fuckers! It had received 89 "thumbs up" votes on The 'Tube and 11,922 "thumbs down." Even a brood of progressives with their heads up their asses can read those numbers.

As if to dispute this theory, Gillette cut itself badly not shaving in a January 2019 ad that didn't even contain one fucking image of a razor but that did accuse men of smirking-while-excusing such “bad behavior” as bullying, catcalling and groping women, and violence—while a line of men behind grills declare the dismissive mantra “Boys will be boys” in one obstinate voice.

Well, boys will be pissed off, too. According to The Daily Wire for 8/19/19 (we don't use those metric dates here), "Just a few weeks after Procter&Gamble reported a sobering $8 billion writedown, Gillette has officially called off its war on 'toxic masculinity.' The embattled brand has announced that it is now 'shifting the spotlight from social issues to local heroes.'” No word as to whether those local heroes will include men, toxic or otherwise.

Finally, we observe USAToday virtually shitting itself over having to report last summer, "Young people are growing less tolerant of LGBTQ individuals, a jarring turn for a generation traditionally considered embracing and open, a survey released Monday shows.

Among the gobsmacking, tit-slapping, ball-busting, we-didn't-see-this-coming responses were:

• 36% of young people said they were uncomfortable learning a family member was LGBTQ, compared with 29% in 2017.

• 34% were uncomfortable learning their doctor was LGBTQ vs. 27% a year earlier.

• 39% were uncomfortable learning their child had a school lesson on LGBTQ history vs. 30% in 2017.

To repeat, if you didn't have your head up your ass, you did see this one coming. White men, including yours whitely, people who don't usually mean anyone but Maxine Waters harm, saw it coming, and we have the digital receipt to prove it. People have a perverse tendency to live down to the stereotypes with which they're cast. Tell people that they belong in the basket of deplorables long enough, and they hand you a deplorable president, by your accounts. Tell white men that they ain't shiite hard enough, and. oh, you see what happened to MTV and Gillette. Next time they should remember this ancient Iranian proverb, "Before you cast the first kick, be sure that your own gonads are protected."

Next Ellen: Why do we need white men at all?

   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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