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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.—Today is National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, according to The Pug Bus Book of Daze#8480;. This day is celebrated in its own right and for giving birth to the Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb℠ movement, launched from a motel room in Rehoboth, Home-of-Tax-Free-Fucking-Shopping, Delaware, on or about January 13, this year.
Like many movements, ours began with a T-shirt, designed by your author, which read: "Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb."℠ We have the digital receipt to prove it. With a T-shirt on order, we ordered up a movement, using the same name. Our slogan for now: "It Ain't No Joke If You Ain't Woke."
Our inspirations were three, Gentle Reader: MTV, Gillette, and USAToday in that order.
One of YouTube's least popular videos ever—MTV's"White Guy Resolution 2017"—was pulled forty-eight hours after its pre-Christmas debut three years ago. Ho, ho, ho dat, mother-fuckers! It had received 89 "thumbs up" votes on The 'Tube and 11,922 "thumbs down." Even a brood of progressives with their heads up their asses can read those numbers.
As if to dispute this theory, Gillette cut itself badly not shaving in a January 2019 ad that didn't even contain one fucking image of a razor but that did accuse men of smirking-while-excusing such “bad behavior” as bullying, catcalling and groping women, and violence—while a line of men behind grills declare the dismissive mantra “Boys will be boys” in one obstinate voice.
Well, boys will be pissed off, too. According to The Daily Wire for 8/19/19 (we don't use those metric dates here), "Just a few weeks after Procter&Gamble reported a sobering $8 billion writedown, Gillette has officially called off its war on 'toxic masculinity.' The embattled brand has announced that it is now 'shifting the spotlight from social issues to local heroes.'” No word as to whether those local heroes will include men, toxic or otherwise.
Finally, we observe USAToday virtually shitting itself over having to report last summer, "Young people are growing less tolerant of LGBTQ individuals, a jarring turn for a generation traditionally considered embracing and open, a survey released Monday shows.
Among the gobsmacking, tit-slapping, ball-busting, we-didn't-see-this-coming responses were:
• 36% of young people said they were uncomfortable learning a family member was LGBTQ, compared with 29% in 2017.
• 34% were uncomfortable learning their doctor was LGBTQ vs. 27% a year earlier.
• 39% were uncomfortable learning their child had a school lesson on LGBTQ history vs. 30% in 2017.
To repeat, if you didn't have your head up your ass, you did see this one coming. White men, including yours whitely, people who don't usually mean anyone but Maxine Waters harm, saw it coming, and we have the digital receipt to prove it. People have a perverse tendency to live down to the stereotypes with which they're cast. Tell people that they belong in the basket of deplorables long enough, and they hand you a deplorable president, by your accounts. Tell white men that they ain't shiite hard enough, and. oh, you see what happened to MTV and Gillette. Next time they should remember this ancient Iranian proverb, "Before you cast the first kick, be sure that your own gonads are protected."
Next Ellen: Why do we need white men at all?