Postcards from the Pug Bus                
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  National Ask Nietzsche Day℠
        Dec 10, 2019 - 4:44
       
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WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.—The impact of Friedrich Nietzsche on our times ist überwältigend, so overwhelming, in fact, that it often seems as if there is more than one Nietzsche; and according to The New Yorker, which never settles for one when many will do, there are neun Nietzsche: French, American, pragmatic, analytic, feminist, gay, black, environmentalist, and proto-fascist. What?!? No trans Nietzsche ... and more importantly, no Rat Kolumnist Neitzsche?

To correct that übersehen we celebrate National Ask Nietzsche Day. Instead of asking yourself what Jesus would do, say, when his girlfriend starts yelling out for god during sex, we suggest you ask Nietzsche instead. He is, after all, a savvy advice columnist.

       
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Dear Friedrich:
My girlfriend of several weeks has a habit that could doom our relationship. Whenever we have sex, which is often and loud, she begins screaming "Oh god, oh god, oh my god" right before she comes. The problem is, I'm an atheist, and I find this habit distracting. How do I tell her I'd like her to scream something else, preferably my name, instead?
Lester

Herr Lester:
Doesn't your girlfriend know that god is gestorben? The neighbors are more likely to hear her screaming than god is.

You are not alone with this problem, mein Freund. It is more common than you think. It is also a good reason for dating only atheists. If you want to continue enjoying this woman's company, however, perhaps you ought to have the "religion" discussion at this point. At least you'll know to which god she is screaming, and she'll know you're an atheist. Thus, if she's sensitive, she'll start screaming for Zeus, the Great Pumpkin, or some other imaginary being when the clit hits the meat stick.

       
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If you're worried that your being an atheist will bother her, you might try counter programming. Just as she's about to begin paging god next time, start screaming her name. Match her scream for scream, decibel for decibel. Maybe she'll get the hint and start screaming your name instead of that other fellow's.

You might also experiment with different positions if you haven't done so already. According to the latest Nielsen research, more women voice-dial god from the missionary than from any other position. Those are more likely to elicit a thunderous fuck me harder, you beast man, oh, baby, baby, or yes, yes, YESSSSS. These positions include but are not limited to doggie style, cowgirl, or flat iron. We cannot recommend the seated scissor as more injuries are sustained in that position than all the rest combined, including seven stars around the moon.

Finally, may I recommend 69, the sacred number, the magical mystery tour. A woman with a mouthful of bratwurst isn't going to be calling anyone's name, and even if she is a ventriloquist and manages to eke out an "ahrurr ghurrd," she'll sound as if she's speaking in tongues and you'll still have the option of crushing her thighs against your ears and blocking out the sound, not to mention the light.

       
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If all else fails, and you don't want to resort to a ball gag, just let her pleas for god go in one ear and out the same one. At the end of the lay, it's no skin off your dogma.

Dear Friedrich,
Last year I went to a friend's house for Xmas dinner. To everyone's surprise he insisted that we say grace before dinner, something he had never done before. When a few people, myself included, attempted to make light of the suggestion, he said, "If you don't like it, you can wait in the bathroom." I sat there in disbelief (and non-belief) while he began grace with the ludicrous salutation, "Heavenly Father . . . " If he invites me back for Xmas dinner this year, what should I do?
Puzzled in Pennsylvania

Dear Puzzled,
God is gestorben for sure, but, unfortunately, the fools who believe in him still walk among us. If you are invited again this year, you could ask your newly pious friend what time he plans to say grace so you can arrange to arrive after that. You could go to his house of prayer and then excuse yourself and head for the bathroom when he begins talking to his heavenly father, or you could tell him politely when he invites you to dinner that you prefer not to eat with people who believe god had a hand in bringing the food to the table, and who address god in such a pompous manner. Heavenly father, indeed!

       
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If you're ever at someone's table again and he begins to say grace, raise your hand quietly when he's finished, announce that you are a Wiccan, and ask if you can thank The Goddess for bringing the vegetables to the table, observing archly that your god is a vegan. Have an invocation ready in case your host is the rare religious person with a shred of tolerance.

Next Ellen: Was Friedrich Nietzsche a secret lesbian
   

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