Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX Fucking News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Picking Up Pills That You Drop
7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
8. Talking Baby Talk to Children
9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
How to Celebrate National Dark Web Day℠ Dec 8, 2019 - 5:52
Gimme a D ... an A,R,K ... a capital "dub" ... and an E,B, too. What's that spell? What's that spell? What's that spell, you deaf mother-fucker? Dark Web, that's what; and if you ain't been there, Skippy, you ain't shit. As a good buddy of ours once said, "It's a superpower."
Need a gun, drugs, and counterfeit money? Check. Software to hack into your fucktard neighbor's computer ... or a hacker to do it for you ... or somebody to kill the bastard outright? Covered. What about login credentials to a $50,000 Bank of America account for $500? Christmas is coming, eh? User names and passwords (other people's, of course), $3,000 in counterfeit $20s for $600, a "lifetime" Netflix premium account for $6 (good until Netflix gets wise, which usually takes several months, then you buy another one) . . . if these are tailored to meet your personal needs or if you're truly into kiddie porn, you ought to be shopping on the Dark Web, where the stores never close, and there are no crowded parking lots or food courts stuffed with the morbidly obese cramming a slow death into their pie holes.
Joining the Dark Web party isn't difficult. First get a subscription to a VPN (virtual private network). We use ExpressVPN . It's so tight not even your internet service provider will know what you're up to. Subscriptions are $12.95/month for a one-month plan, $9.99/month for a six-month plan, and $8.32/month for a twelve-month plan. All come with thirty-day, money-back guarantees.
Next download a TOR browser. It's free. Google, Bing, and those wankers are helpless on the Dark Web. (If you're into irony, TOR was created by the US Navy and is still partially government funded.)
For day trippers and tire-kickers looking to wet themselves in horror, this is all that's required; but if something catches your fancy—like a full-gram, live-resin cart of Space Monkey or some designer opioid patches—you're going to need coin, Bitcoin. For that we recommend Coinbase.
In the interest of brevity and of not getting ourselves busted, we won't include first-person testimonials here. We can say that "a friend of ours" reports that he got more and better drugs delivered to his fucking mail box than he gets from Pennsylvania's limp-dick medical marijuana program, which doesn't deliver in most every sense of the word. Peace out and happy shopping, all y'all; and if you happen across KingKush or GreenSmokeShop in your travels, give 'em daps from nancybotwin.