Postcards from the Pug Bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word

for "welfare handouts"

an excuse for taking money from people

who never owned slaves

and giving it to people

who never were slaves?

Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,

"You didn't build that."

We say to reparations queens,

"You didn't earn that."

STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind

...

Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear

Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us

The Book of Daze℠

Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope

A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That

There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall

image of worldwide web on computer screen

Here's to a Brighter Day

Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On

seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised

Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers

Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News

West Chester University Golden Ram image

West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls

No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Pug Bus Interview

image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor

Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

How to Celebrate National Dark Web Day℠
Dec 8, 2019 - 5:52

Gimme a D ... an A,R,K ... a capital "dub" ... and an E,B, too. What's that spell? What's that spell? What's that spell, you deaf mother-fucker? Dark Web, that's what; and if you ain't been there, Skippy, you ain't shit. As a good buddy of ours once said, "It's a superpower."

Need a gun, drugs, and counterfeit money? Check. Software to hack into your fucktard neighbor's computer ... or a hacker to do it for you ... or somebody to kill the bastard outright? Covered. What about login credentials to a $50,000 Bank of America account for $500? Christmas is coming, eh? User names and passwords (other people's, of course), $3,000 in counterfeit $20s for $600, a "lifetime" Netflix premium account for $6 (good until Netflix gets wise, which usually takes several months, then you buy another one) . . . if these are tailored to meet your personal needs or if you're truly into kiddie porn, you ought to be shopping on the Dark Web, where the stores never close, and there are no crowded parking lots or food courts stuffed with the morbidly obese cramming a slow death into their pie holes.

Joining the Dark Web party isn't difficult. First get a subscription to a VPN (virtual private network). We use ExpressVPN . It's so tight not even your internet service provider will know what you're up to. Subscriptions are $12.95/month for a one-month plan, $9.99/month for a six-month plan, and $8.32/month for a twelve-month plan. All come with thirty-day, money-back guarantees.

Next download a TOR browser. It's free. Google, Bing, and those wankers are helpless on the Dark Web. (If you're into irony, TOR was created by the US Navy and is still partially government funded.)

For day trippers and tire-kickers looking to wet themselves in horror, this is all that's required; but if something catches your fancy—like a full-gram, live-resin cart of Space Monkey or some designer opioid patches—you're going to need coin, Bitcoin. For that we recommend Coinbase.

In the interest of brevity and of not getting ourselves busted, we won't include first-person testimonials here. We can say that "a friend of ours" reports that he got more and better drugs delivered to his fucking mail box than he gets from Pennsylvania's limp-dick medical marijuana program, which doesn't deliver in most every sense of the word. Peace out and happy shopping, all y'all; and if you happen across KingKush or GreenSmokeShop in your travels, give 'em daps from nancybotwin.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.