Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
National Driver Recall Day℠ Jan 5, 2020 - 4:38
NEW YORK–Concerned about the increasing rate of "irresponsible, negligent, and thoughtless behavior" exhibited by too many drivers, Toyota announced today that it is recalling 250,000 U.S. owners of RAV4, Corolla, Matrix, Avalon, Camry, Highlander, and Tundra models.
"We have notified these persons by registered mail," said Dennis E. Hamlin, vice president and general counsel at Toyota North America. "They will have five working days from the receipt of that notice to get their affairs in order. Of course, they are forbidden to operate any Toyota motor vehicles during that time."
According to Mr. Hamlin, Toyota was been swamped with complaints about drivers turning left from right-hand lanes, taking up handicapped spaces in parking lots, using their high beams to blind other drivers, and crushing companion animals because the drivers, who were talking on cell phones at the time, didn't see them.
"That kind of ignorance is unacceptable," he said. "Defective owners are a danger not only to themselves but also to the Toyota brand."
Recalled drivers will be transported at Toyota's expense to several decommissioned military bases around the United States. There they will receive two weeks of intensive courteous-driver training. All training and housing will be provided by Toyota. Recalled owners will be permitted conjugal visits during the weekend, but these must be paid for by the owners or their families.
At the end of the training period, owners will be road tested. Those who fail will have their vehicles impounded by Toyota, which will retain those vehicles until their owners can pass a make-up courteous-driver test, paid for and arranged by the drivers.
Some drivers say they will trade in their vehicles rather than participate in the recall.
"If we have to go to driving school because somebody's cat got squished, then the cancel culture wins," said Marc Delacroix, an unemployed dry wall installer who drives a Toyota Highlander.
"That's fine with us," said Mr. Hamlin. "Saves us money, actually. Besides, their names will go on a list that will be distributed to the FBI, and if they ever want to own another Toyota vehicle again, they're still going to have to pass a courteous-driver test."
In related news, Toyota announced that it was not recalling 200,000 Sequoias with defective cruise control mechanisms that could cause the vehicles to explode without warning.
"Our cost-benefit department says it would be cheaper to pay for a couple dozen funerals than it would be to recall the vehicles," said Charles B. Hatosy, chief communications officer at Toyota North America. "You have to take the entire dashboard out to fix one of those suckers."
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.