Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX Fucking News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Picking Up Pills That You Drop
7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
8. Talking Baby Talk to Children
9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
National Fake Emotional Support Animal Day℠ Jan 1, 2020 - 6:48
WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Our handicapped fellow citizens are causing problemi again. Not content with sticker-shaming people who use "after-market" handicapped stickers to park in spaces that would otherwise remain empty, the CapiNazis (handicapped police) are now coming after emotional support animals, without which many people would not be able to fly on airplanes or to eat in restaurants.
Examples of this sort of thuggery abound. A Wisconsin woman is asked to leave a McDonald's after she enters with her emotional support kangaroo. A woman is tossed off a US Airways flight because her eighty-pound emotional support pig allegedly "became disruptive." Turkeys, marmosets, snakes, peacocks . . . all manner of emotional support animals (ESA) have been shown the boarding gate by airlines that rush to do the bidding of HCRAP (Handicapped Citizens Rights and Privileges), one of Washington's most powerful and ruthless lobbying groups.
If you're confused about whether your Boston terrier might qualify as an emotional support animal, our experience in that regard could help you through the thicket of wheelchairs, discarded walking boots, and crutches that litter your path.
To begin, do not try to fake a service animal listing. Service animals, by definition, are trained to perform tasks that their owners cannot do for themselves. Worse yet, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) allows a business to ask you what work or task your dog has been trained to perform. Unless your Boston terrier walks on its hind legs to keep you from getting depressed, you're better off claiming she's an emotional support animal (ESA). Trust us.
ESAs do not have to be trained. That's fortunate because some of them, ours certamente, cannot be trained. Their purpose is to provide comfort for someone with a documented mental health condition. If you think you suffer from a documented mental health condition, licensed MDs are standing by online eager to "examine" you and to testify by letter that you need an emotional support animal.
(Be sure to have a copy of that letter with you when you attempt to take your ESA into a restaurant, hookah bar, Whole Foods, or wherever. Also, if you have secured a medical marijuana card in your state, be sure to mention that to the online doctor who examines you. S/he'll be impressed that you've already been certified crispy around the edges by one government agency.)
Although the ADA defines service animals, the Air Carrier Access Act (ACAA) governs airlines' policies regarding service and support animals, "and that’s one of the places prone to abuse," according to The New York Times. (Emphasis added.) The Department of Transportation (DOT) is responsible for enforcing the ACAA rules. Historically, the rules have required accommodations for emotional support animals, but recent abuses of the rules by passengers seeking to bring all manner of animals such as peacocks and pigs onto planes has caused the DOT to revisit this issue . . .."
Sounds like dogs wearing muzzles and/or diapers or goofy hats might no longer be welcome on some airlines, boys and girls; but don't sleep on restaurants, especially if you can't enjoy a dry-aged prime rib eye without your four-legged doggie bag in tow, growling at children from under the table. We must confess we can't.