Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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National Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife Day℠ Dec 3, 2019 - 5:33
The Ten Commandments are a clusterfuck, badly in need of prioritizing. Does skipping church on Sunday really deserve to be on the same list as killing somebody? Should muttering the occasional "Jesus H. Christ" be mentioned in the same breath as stealing? We say no, goddammit, but let us not judge the 10Cs too harshly. They were, after all, handed down by a primitive god to a primitive people, neither of whom knew from irony. Let us indulge, rather, in some counter programming and flip the script on one of the minor commandments, the ninth, by designating December 3 as National Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife Day.
This one doesn't need an instruction book; no assembly is required. You've got a brain, an imagination, and at least one good eye. What are you waiting for? Start coveting, and don't limit your coveting to your neighbor's wife. Nobody but Trump-loving evangelicals takes that bible shit literally. Does your neighbor have a hot teen-age daughter, preferably underage? Covet her ass, too. It's probably tighter than her mother's anyway.
In the course of a day the opportunities for lusting in your heart are infinite. Checkout girls in the supermarket, baristas at Starbucks, your sister and your female cousins if you live below the Mason-Dixon Line . . . hell, you don't even have to leave the house to covet thy neighbor's wife. That's why cheerleaders (dance teams in PC terms) were invented. Of course, while you're doing all this coveting, don't forget to covet your own wife's ass, too. She'll love you for it.
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The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.