Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX Fucking News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Picking Up Pills That You Drop
7. Pissing Indoors
8. Talking Baby Talk to Children
9. Stupid-ass, Dip-Shit, Old Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly
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National Seat Belt Alarm Silencer Day Nov 27, 2019 - 5:19
The never-ending resistance to the nanny state and to soccer moms everywhere is marked by small but sustaining victories. Folding, spindling, or mutilating where prohibited. Sending contraband through the mail. Swapping prices on items in the supermarket. Little things mean a lot. One massive little thing in the war against those who would tell us how to live is the seat belt alarm silencer. Inserted where the fucking seat belt clip normally goes, this device prevents your car from ding-ding-dinging throughout eternity . . . or until you cave in and fasten your damn seat.
Who hasn't dreamed of ripping the vocal chords out of the Seat Belt Nanny . . . of strangling that tinny-voiced bitch into silence? Now you can for the low, low price of $8.28 on Amazon. Brilliant, and even more brilliant, the design of this seat belt alarm silencer allows it to double as a bottle cap opener, which allows you to pop the top on a frostie before setting off in blissful silence.
Don't order just one of these beasties, however. You'll need at least two for your car, one for your wife's car, and a spare for any other car in which you ride.
Warning: if you are unfortunate enough to share a car with a seat belt user, you will have to spend some time training that person to put the silencer back where she found it after using your car; and if you leave a silencer in the passenger side of your wife's car, don't expect her damn friends to bother to put it back either. We have met the enemy and they are fucking with our seal belt alarm silencers.