postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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National The First Time Ever Day℠
Jan 10, 2020 - 4:55
Survey participants were asked to complete the following statement: "My first sexual experience was . . ." The choices, which ranged from "awesome" to "illegal in most Southern states," also included "anticlimactic," "costly," and "self-inflicted." The largest percentage of those surveyed, 31 percent, described their first sexual experience as "anticlimactic." "This obviously indicates that premature ejaculation, especially among virgins, is more common than previously thought," said television's Dr. Phil. "In a sense a lot of people broke the toy before they got it out of the box." The second largest cohort, 29 percent, described their first sexual experience as "awesome." Whether this was a consequence of beginners' luck, faulty memory, or self-deception is a question for further study. Interestingly, 23 percent of the respondents described their first sexual experience as "illegal in most Southern states."
"In other cases, sex with llamas or junior high school cheerleaders to name just two, are illegal 24/7/365. If you do that in Dixie, you're gonna do time." The next most popular response category, "self-inflicted," is the most difficult to interpret. Just 15 percent of the respondents said their first sexual experience came in their own hands. Perhaps the old myths about going blind or growing hair on one's palms are more influential than we know. Perhaps people who chose "self-inflicted" misread the question. Future editions of the survey will need to get a better grip on this issue. Finally, just 3 percent of respondents to the survey described their first sexual experience as costly. One suspects that this question was the most age specific. As people get older, their first sexual experiences tend to become more expensive, for obvious reasons. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
