Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
National The First Time Ever Day℠ Jan 10, 2020 - 4:55
WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Most people can recall their first sexual experience, but judging from the responses to the 2020 Postcards from the Pug Bus Sex Survey, not everyone puts a smiley face on that memory. A total of 1,167 people responded to the Pug Bus survey. This penetrating study, the most authoritative of its kind since the Kinsey Report, ripped the covers off startling facts about the first-time sexual experiences of typical Americans.
Survey participants were asked to complete the following statement: "My first sexual experience was . . ." The choices, which ranged from "awesome" to "illegal in most Southern states," also included "anticlimactic," "costly," and "self-inflicted."
The largest percentage of those surveyed, 31 percent, described their first sexual experience as "anticlimactic."
"This obviously indicates that premature ejaculation, especially among virgins, is more common than previously thought," said television's Dr. Phil. "In a sense a lot of people broke the toy before they got it out of the box."
The second largest cohort, 29 percent, described their first sexual experience as "awesome." Whether this was a consequence of beginners' luck, faulty memory, or self-deception is a question for further study.
Interestingly, 23 percent of the respondents described their first sexual experience as "illegal in most Southern states."
"There are a number of possible explanations for that response," said Dr. Phil. "Outdated Sabbath laws that remain on the books in many Southern states is the simplest one. What's perfectly legal on Saturday night, fellatio in a moving motor vehicle, for example, is against the law on Sunday morning, especially within five hundred yards of a church.
"In other cases, sex with llamas or junior high school cheerleaders to name just two, are illegal 24/7/365. If you do that in Dixie, you're gonna do time."
The next most popular response category, "self-inflicted," is the most difficult to interpret. Just 15 percent of the respondents said their first sexual experience came in their own hands. Perhaps the old myths about going blind or growing hair on one's palms are more influential than we know. Perhaps people who chose "self-inflicted" misread the question. Future editions of the survey will need to get a better grip on this issue.
Finally, just 3 percent of respondents to the survey described their first sexual experience as costly. One suspects that this question was the most age specific. As people get older, their first sexual experiences tend to become more expensive, for obvious reasons.
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"
Yesterdays' Papers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
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The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.