Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

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two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
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Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day
        Dec 11, 2019 - 3:44
an image
WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Those fucking soccer moms and their limp-dick, male-pattern-baldness, girly-man, yes-ma'am allies are at it again. Their tiresome crusade to reduce our vibrant, often fractious, melting-pot society to a white-bread, missionary-position-only blandness has resulted in a ban on Four Loko, Cuban cigars, radar detectors, cigarettes, candy cigarettes, foie gras, free speech, lawn darts, and more.

        Yep, having come for your bump stocks and your raw milk, these mother-fuckers are coming for your plastic straws. You have six months to surrender them at the local police station or face persecution [sic].

Why the fuss, a rational, non-estrogen-crazed person might ask? According to National Geographic, plastic straws account for 0.025 percent of the eight million tons of plastic that make their way to the ocean every year. Hardly seems a drop in the ocean to us.

Nat Geo provides the answer to this question ... the plastic straw is the major focus of recent environmental campaigns "because, for most able-bodied people, the straw is something you can easily do without. Eliminating plastic straw usage rarely requires a drastic change in behavior."

        Got that, Skippy? These craven asshole crusaders start with the little things, the things nobody is going to miss. From there they progress to, well, that's anyone's guess. A bigger thing, maybe? And if they have to lie to get there, so what, eh?

Earlier this year USA TODAY reported, "Critics have called the government bans too oppressive and have said the statistic many of these bans are based on, that Americans throw away 500 million drinking straws daily, is outdated and unverified.

Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund Communications Director Lawrence Carter-Long told USA TODAY that reusable straws don't work "as well as plastic straws" for people with disabilities. "The disabilities affected by the plastic straw ban run the gamut," he said, ranging from people with quadriplegia to people with down syndrome or Parkinson's.

        I got news for you, Lawrence (hey, didn't I interview you once in a former life?): paper straws, like paper assholes, don't work so well for the rest of us either. Paper straws are to real straws what Impossible Burgers are to the Mission Bowling Club's brisket-and-chuck-based Mission Burger seared in beef fat and topped with house-made caper aioli, caramelized onions, and Monterey Jack cheese. (The Mission Bowling Club is located behind enemy lines in San Francisco, ironically.)

In conclusion, we would publish the names of the cities and businesses that have enacted plastic-straw bans, but we refuse to give them the publicity they seek. We present, instead, a list of things you might do in the event that you are as pissed off as we are we about this "useless and pointless" ban.

        1. Buy all the plastic straws you can afford and stockpile them. Walmart and Amazon will sell them to you.

2. Bring your real straws to restaurants that demand you use paper ones. Toss the paper junk under the table and use the real one. Leave it there when you depart.

3. Cut up a bunch of the straws from your plastic-straw stockpile. Drop them in the toilet in the restroom of said restaurant, after you have used it. Don't bother to flush (you'll be conserving water).

4. Stick chewing gum under the table.

5. Don't leave a tip. Write a note on the "restaurant copy" of your receipt explaining why.

Next Ellen: Real lesbians don't use plastic straws, but we love us them plastic dildos.

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