Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX Fucking News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Picking Up Pills That You Drop
7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
8. Talking Baby Talk to Children
9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day℠ Jan 7, 2020 - 3:50
WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Today we celebrate National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day in memory of that time when the war between the sexes took a turn for the grim. No man worth his Bushy Beavers subscription can forget where he was when he learned that a woman in Sao de Jose Rio Preto, Brazil, had tried to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance in her snatch and then asking him if he fancied a box lunch.
When her husband got down to business, however, he noticed that her tuna taco smelled like kimchee. After he had begun sweating and gagging, his wife started to cry.
"No me [munch-a-bunch]?" she asked.
"Yo, te amo, pero su vagina huele como una [skunk pussy]," he replied. "Necesitas un [power wash]."
Now sobbing hysterically, the woman said her lady bits did not smell like a skunk's. Then she told her husband what she had done.
Displaying more compassion than the situation warranted, the forty-three-year-old intended victim took his wife to the hospital, thereby saving her life. He told reporters afterward, nevertheless, that he was going to accuse of her of assault with a deadly smelling weapon.
And now for the takeaway from this story, the reason we observe National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day: Never again! Before you write a check with your tongue that your immune system can't cover, be aware that your partner may have booby trapped her love tunnel. Chances are good that she has if . . .
1. You can't get cell phone reception in the bedroom when she's in it.
2. The smoke alarm goes off whenever she gets naked.
3. The dog dies after chewing her underwear.
4. Her pubic hair falls out overnight.
5. Her vajayjay glows in the dark.
6. The water in the toilet bowl steams after she takes a leak.
7. You develop toxic thrush following oral sex.
8. The can of Janitor in a Drum in the bathroom is always empty.
9. Buzzards circling your house.
10. Her camel's toe looks more like a camel's foot.