postcards from the pug bus
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2. People are just getting used to the idea of gay marriage.
3. The expression is ass backward, according to all those German shepherds that appear in porn movies.
4. Cats got to choose first, therefore, we kick cats and screw pooches.
5. Pooch has unfortunate connotations, among them "lap dog" and “worthless-piece-of-shit dog."
6. "Man's best friend" doesn't mean "man's best friend with benefits."
7. The parlor game Screw the Pooch is offensive and has caused serious injuries to dogs.
9. What if screwing the pooch becomes a recognized service dog "service"? Imagine all the bother that will cause on airplanes.
10. Just because dogs sniff our business doesn't mean they want us to fuck them.
Next Ellen: Why lesbians never screw their pooches