postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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National Unbaptize the Dead Day℠
Jan 8, 2020 - 5:00
Last month, while much of the world was swept up in gee-golly-whiz enthusiasm over the Hallmark Nativity Ruse, UCBA began unbaptizing select members of the dead. This according to the group's founder, the Reverend Philip Feral. Believed to be the first program of its kind in West Goshen Township, which was Money Magazine's eleventh-best small town in America in 2009, unbaptizing removes "the taint of baptism" from the deceased. "Baptism is the original sin," declared the Reverend Feral, "inflicted on innocent children without their consent. From the time of Abraham the notion of sacrificing a blameless child to a demanding deity has been the true believer's go-to move, but arguments in its favor do not hold (holy) water. If churches were honest, they would raise the age of consent for baptism to twenty-one, at least." According to the Reverend Feral, a duly ordained minister in the Church of Secular Humanism, "We intend to scrub the taint of baptism from the souls of the dearly departed who were baptized before they knew what had hit them. Of course we are using souls ironically, a fact that may go unnoticed by your basic delusional Christian with his or her nose up god's ass." As explained by the Reverend Feral, the unbaptism ceremony borrows from the Mormon model. "Just write the stiff's name on a piece of paper, dip the paper into the drink of your choice, and by the time you finish the drink, it's as if the person was never baptized. A person with a moderate thirst could unbaptize two or three people in one go, and economize by drinking during happy hour."
The first person the UBCA unbaptized was the Historical Jesus. Subsequent honorees included Mother Teresa and popes John I through XXIII. Future plans include an unblessing of the animals. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
