Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
National Stop Apologizing Day Nov 7, 2020 - 8:50
WESTOWN TWP, PA–According to the latest bulletins from The Left, all Americans (other than progressives, of course) are racist, misogynistic, queer-bating, child-fucking, planet-wasting louts, who owe an apology to every self-proclaimed victim in America: Blacks [sic], women/feminists, queers, transvestites, the differently abled, the unabled, the unhoused (formerly know as "the homeless"), the undocumented (formerly known as "illegal aliens")...and every other somebody with a gripe who's looking for reparation.
Those apologies, which are meant to go on infinitamente, are owed by a group that is accused of suffering from white supremacy and white fragility at the same time. (Say what you want about white people, Skippy, they seem to be pretty good at handling cognitive dissonance.)
We white folk are expected to apologize for the unparalleled crime of Western Civilization..."roll over, Beethoven, and tell Tchaikovsky the news" that you are tools of vile, evil oppressors. We white devils are also guilty of the sins of mathematics, mansplaining, creating the rape culture, women losing their pubes as they get older, cultural appropriation, and every other clusterfuck in world history. (Hey, Jesus, my bad about the crucifixion.)
Intuitively, then, it's way past time for National Stop Apologizing Day...a day on which people with nothing to apologize for refuse to kiss the ass of every person of color, deviant sexual preference, born-that-way aberration, or just plain ugliness who demands that we do so. It's simple, really, just say, "No, mother-fucker!"
It's been thirty-plus years since Jesse "Marbles Mouth" Jackson led five hundred protesters down Palm Drive, Stanford University’s main entrance, chanting “Hey hey, ho ho, Western Civ has got to go.”
Instead of refusing to apologize, Stanford promptly bent over frontward to accommodate Marbles Mouth, dropping required courses in Western Civilization and replacing a core reading list that included Plato, Voltaire, St. Augustine, and Marx and Engels with a more diverse canon that included works on race, class, and gender and works by ethnic minority and women authors.
That's what happens when we don't stop apologizing. St. Augustine gives way to a pink-haired fourth-wave feminist writing about the oppressiveness of her menstrual cycle.
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.