Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  National Premature Ejaculation Day, What You Need to Know℠
        Nov 22, 2019 - 4:00
an image
WEST CHESTER,PA—Good things come to those who wait and to those who can wait to come. Bad things, unfortunately, are the fate of the one in five men between the ages of eighteen and fifty-nine who suffer from the social scourge of premature ejaculation (PE), which is also the most common sexual cock-up affecting men under forty.

Worse than having a micropecker, dropping your wad immediately after penetration—or, god forbid, during foreplay or dinner—will earn you the undying scorn of fair and foul maiden alike. What could be worse than hearing your partner say, "Is it in yet?" How about, "Are you finished already?"

As measured by the American Medical Association's Dictionary of Sexual Dysfunction, premature ejaculation occurs within eight seconds of the onset of vaginal penetration. (The AMA does not define PE for oral or anal sex, though we suspect these delivery methods might accelerate the problem—and potentially put somebody's eye out.)

        No one knows what causes PE. A diet lacking in umami, political preference, an overwrought imagination, significant weight gain, another pressing social engagement, a hummingbird metabolism, fear of her husband or boyfriend returning home, serotonin deficit, and kale are among the usual suspects.

Among the usual remedies for PE are the pause-squeeze technique, which doesn't work so well with left-handed men; the stop-start technique, which doesn't work with any men; adding CBD, wheat germ, cod liver oil, and lotus root to your diet; picturing Drew Carey naked; reciting the pledge of allegiance; or counting backwards from one hundred.

A potential breakthrough in the centuries-old struggle against PE—a struggle first depicted on the walls of the Lascaux Cave in southwestern France—arrives with the release of Rabbitrol (Merck) early next year.

In double-blind trials Rabbitrol not only delayed orgasm but also increased reported sexual satisfaction. The percentage of men rating control over ejaculation as "OK to awesome" increased from 2.5 per cent before taking Rabbitrol to 51.8 per cent after taking it. Rabbitrol was equally effective in delaying orgasm in men who prefer self sex. Among men who practice sex with other people, the percentage of their partners who reported feeling satisfied by sex increased from 25 per cent without Rabbitrol to 47 per cent with it.

        "It gets in rapidly; it gets out rapidly—in the bloodstream, that is," said Dr. Ryan Longwell of the Mayo Clinic. "And the only side effects we've noticed thus far are an exaggerated self-esteem, an inclination to brag, and a tendency to grossly over-report estimates of the passage of time." He further noted that the effectiveness of Rabbitrol, which is also known as "Hamburger Helper," does decline markedly among men who ejaculate during foreplay or dinner.

Next Ellen: Lesbians suffer from premature ejaculation, too

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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