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President Trump Grants Emergency Sick Days to COVID-19 Victims
Dec 1, 2020 - 7:06
“Obviously,” said the president, “people who can’t get to work because they’re projectile vomiting shouldn’t have to worry about losing their job because they’ve already used up all their sick days.” According to a source close to the White House, the president had originally planned to award ninety days paid sick leave to COVID victims, “but Rudy Guliani reminded the boss that many of our donors in that area are bidness people.” Nevertheless, Republican leaders are praising Trump’s decision, calling it “an example of compassionate conservatism” in action. “The burdens of the people of the Dakotas are much lighter today as a result of the president’s swift, decisive stroke,” said South Carolina senator Lindsay Graham. In related news, President Trump also announced that the “surprise meeting” he had planned with “former vice president Biden” this afternoon had been canceled. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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