Courtesy of Postcards
Scarlett Johansson's Ass to Star in American Express Ad
By Chip Hilton
NEW YORK - Scarlett Johansson's ass and American Express: the perfect fit. Ms. Johansson never leaves home without them.
|Don't try this at home.|
Scarlett Johansson: My Life, My Card
Name . . . Scarlett Johansson
Born . . . November 22, 1984
Sign . . . gluteus maximus rising
Childhood ambition . . . to have a really great ass when I grew up
Hope for the world . . . that my ass could be cloned
Favorite music . . . anything by the Ass Ponys
Biggest challenge . . . not acting like my ass weighs a ton
Secret vice . . . taking nude photos of my ass with my iPhone
Perfect day . . . when nobody hacks my iPhone account
Proudest moment . . . when my ass was featured in the opening of Lost in Translation
Greatest lesson . . . learning early on the difference between my ass and a hole in the ground
Fondest memory . . . winning Time's 2003 Ass of the Year award
Great disappointment . . . that my ass has never appeared on a Franklin Mint coin, yet
Most embarrassing moment . . . when my ass was cited as the inspiration for Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl"
Greatest fear . . . that I might get Assperger's syndrome
My life is . . . more exciting than yours because I've got a better ass
My card is . . . American Express, you asshole.
|Scarlett Johansson's ass in the unforgettable opening scene of Lost in Translation|
ŠThe fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional.
Be advised to believe half of what you see and nothing of what you read. You must have a mental age no greater than eighteen to enjoy this shite.