Courtesy of Postcards

Facebook Considering Fuckbook Spinoff
By Phil Maggitti

WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Surprised by some users' reactions to the pornographic and violent images that appeared on Facebook recently, officials at the site are considering an adults-only version of Facebook, tentatively called Fuckbook.

"To be honest," said one Facebook official who asked to remain anonymous, "our site is the depository of dull. We're nothing but page after page of photos of Daddy and Sis at Red Lobster, baby pictures out the wazoo, and people breathlessly reporting what they're making for dinner. It's like being stuck on public transportation with people of little intelligence and less taste."

All that changed for the better when hackers let loose the dogs of pornography and violence on Facebook recently. That's when the fun began.

Imagine MomMom's surprise when she logged on to her Facebook account to swoon over the latest photos of her three-month-old grandson, complete with thought bubbles containing "clever" quips, only to see a video of Justin Bieber launching a money shot onto Selena Gomez' face.

Predictably a lot of Facebook types were aghast.

"OMG. I saw a dead dog; J-Lo making out with a cucumber; and a naked grandma," said Melissa. "Time to delete Facebook."

In addition to the predictable think-about-the-children reactions, other reactions of a more interesting nature were noted. Indeed, whether from a robotic devotion to the Facebook experience or from an edgy streak we didn't think Facebookers possessed, many people commented on the images rather than reporting them and rushing to take a shower.

"Looks like Justin's Bieber's not the only one who never says never," one Facebooker wrote.

A photo of three black dudes playing orifice hockey with a blond cum dumpster got the following response: "What's long and hard on a black man? First grade, second grade, third grade. LOL."

Forty-eight hours after the photos had appeared on Facebook, company spokesman Frederick Willing said Facebook's security team "had eliminated most of the offensive images from the site."

He also reported there could be a legitimate place on Facebook for images with adult themes.

"Our retention rate isn't what it could be," he said. "People who don't have a vested interest in children or in where some forgotten acquaintance went on vacation often drift off after a few months, but give them something interesting to come back for, something like Fuckbook, or perhaps Fistbook, and you've got satisfied return customers."

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