Courtesy of Postcards

Satirist Declares, "Don't Call Me a White Person Anymore"
By Chip Hilton

Why is this man horrified?
WEST CHESTER, Pa. - Postcards from the Pug Bus editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, declared yesterday that he doesn't want to be known as a white person any longer.

Speaking by phone from his quaintly appointed den in the Pug Bus complex, Mr. Maggitti told gay CNN talk show host Anderson Cooper, "White person is a slave owner's term, and I do not want to be shackled by that sorry association."

When asked what he wanted to be called if not a white person, Mr. Maggitti replied, "A person of white©."

He then explained, "White person plays to unfortunate stereotypes: the redneck with three teeth and a goatee who's married to his cousin and who rides around in his pickup all day drinking PBRs and tossing the empties out the window; or some oaf with a row house mentality, a hockey jersey, and a goatee who likes to go 'coon huntin'' with his buddies on the weekend."

Person of white©
with his biracial dog.
By contrast, said Mr. Maggitti, a person of white© is a tolerant, inclusive, irony-loving "bloke" who is something of an Anglophile, who bears malice and forethought to none, and who is not threatened by minority progress. "A rising tide lifts all yachts," he chuckled.

"But couldn't your position be construed as elitist," Mr. Cooper asked.

"On the contrary, some of my best friends are white. I often tease them by calling them 'creepy-ass crackers,' and they don't mind at all. They might not like it if a person of color wearing one of those hooded thingies complained that he was being followed by a 'creepy-ass cracker,' but the rules of ethnic reference are a horse of another color, I fear."

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