Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino May 15, 2005 - 11:03
NEW YORK - "American Beauty" star Mena Suvari has filed for a legal separation from "Mighty Aphrodite" star and Oscar-winning actress Mira Sorvino, hoping to end what Suvari describes as "six years of confusion, uncertainty, and identity crisis" brought on by the annoying similarity between their names.
In what promises to be a long and complex proceeding, Suvari, 26, is demanding that Sorvino, 37, change her first name to anything with an odd number of syllables that does not begin with the letters M or N. Suvari is also demanding that the change be made retroactive to the start of Sorvino's acting career.
"I'm tired of people coming up to me in restaurants and quoting lines from 'Romy and Michele's High School Reunion,'" said Suvari while lunching on radicchio and lemon juice at a Greenwich Village Cafe. "What's even worse is when somebody says they thought I should have had a bigger part in 'Beautiful Girls.' People have even begun asking me how I like being a mother."
Suvari, of course, did not star in "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion"; she appeared in "American Beauty," not "Beautiful Girls'; and she didn't have a baby recently. Try telling that, however, to the nine people out of ten who couldn't tell her from Sorvino in a recent New York Times poll.
"Mina Sorvano?" asked one respondent. "Didn't she play Chris Kline's girlfriend in 'American Pie'?"
Told that Kline's girlfriend was played by Mena Suvari, the respondent said, "I thought she was the one who got the Oscar for 'Mighty Aphrodite.' I get them so confused."
Mira Sorvino declined to comment on Suvari's legal action, but Paul Sorvino, Mira's father, branded the suit frivolous and self-serving.
"My daughter's taller by nearly half a foot; she's Harvard educated; and she's better looking than Mena Suvari. Nine years ago Mira was on People magazine's list of the fifty most beautiful people in the world. If you ask me, this lawsuit is all about publicity and using Mira Sorvino's name to advance Mena Suvari's career."
No matter what the merits of the case, legal scholars such as Judge Judy believe that whoever presides at the hearing will rely on two psychometric scales: Google Duel and Celebrity Ranker, both of which are the creations of Geoff Peters. According to Google Duel, which reports the number of times two persons' names are mentioned on websites searched by Google, Mena Suvari (144,000 hits) is far more "popular" than Mira Sorvino (61,300 hits.)
"That would seem to indicate that Mena Whats-her-name hasn't been materially harmed by the fact that people can't tell her from Mira Whosis," Judge Judy observed.
The legal picture becomes murkier when the actresses' popularity ratings are considered. Suvari rated 4.694 on a scale of 7 on the Celebrity Ranker, which like everything else on the Internet is Google based. Sorvino rated 4.597.
"This tell's me you've got two rather evenly matched people here with ho-hum visibility; not exactly household names," said Judge Judy. "Maybe that Myna woman's got a case after all."
In related news, actor Timothy Bottoms said he is watching this case carefully, and if Mena Suvari succeeds in obtain a separation from Mira Sorvino, he (Bottoms) will file for a similar separation from actor Tim Robbins.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.